A Drinking Game For The Voice To Help Get You Through The Whole Thing
The Debrief: Just as you got the bad taste of X Factor out of your mouth, here comes The Voice
We know how much you were missing X Factor (right...?) but thankfully the BBC's answer to singing competitions is back for one last season before it moves over the ITV next year.
Seeing as you're probably not going out tonight, you're going to have to watch it. Get through it by drinking loads with our drinking game.
Here's the rules...
Every time someone who's poster you had on your wall as a child auditions...
...Drink a shot, first raising it into the air for the Seans from 5ive, the Kelles from Eternal, the Spikes from 911 and their other fallen comrades from the world of 90s pop. May this auditionee, be it an ex-member of Blue or a solo star like Kavanagh, sing loud and strong enough to impress the judges and revive their flagging career once more.
Every time Will.i.am says something that you don't really understand...
...Neck a glass of wine. Something the other presenters are more than likely wishing they could do also. Remember Nicole Scherzinger on X Factor? Will.i.am is the same deal for The Voice. Words that aren't words and inspiring missives that sound like they've been translated from Chinese with a shoddy knock off Google translate are the order of the day.
Every time any of the judges indulges in a shameless name drop...
...Fight the cringe with three fingers of whiskey. TBF, the out-celeb-ing of each other was worst in season 1 when Will.i.am and Tom Jones spent the better part of each epsiode reeling off their admittedly impressive contact lists. The Voice name drop goes something like this; 'One time, when I was recording with... MICHAEL JACKSON [pause for rapturous applause from the audience] we did something super exciting that I'm going to be really vague about now.'
Every time an auditionee claims to be 'a bit different' because they've got a guitar...
...Have a beer and a moan about the good old days of music when people didn't use plinky plonky sound effects on computers and 'real' musicians were rock and roll alright there Grandad? The fact that said auditionee is playing an acoustic version of a Rihanna track with all the wavery trilling of someone trying to bag a John Lewis advert gig means you're struggling to see quite how they're different from anyone else out there but hey, give them a week with Will.i.am and they'll be churning out something 'different' alright.
Every time Paloma Faith wears a brilliantly bonkers outfit...
...Mix yourself an extravagantly coloured cocktail and down in one. TBF she's toned her outfits down in recent years but here's hoping she uses this season of The Voice to return to form. Like that time she went on Never Mind The Buzzcocks dressed entirely in pom poms.
Every time Boy George says something that verges on not-ok-for-TV
...In all fairness, Boy George seems to have left his somewhat erm, chequered past, firmly in the past. However, this is the chap who once compared vaginas to spiders and claimed he wouldn't attend a 'gay union' ceremony if he was invited. He's definitely going to drop some clangers.
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You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating