How To Be A Holiday Dick On Instagram, In The Best Possible Way
The Debrief: If you're overdue a holiday and sick of seeing other peoples awesome pictures, here's how to beat them all in the insta-bragging stakes
You're off on holiday and all you want to do is broadcast the fact that you're having ALL THE FUN. Cue Instagram, the perfect medium to boast the amazing weather, food, and of course your tan. IMHO it's perfectly okay to be a bit of a dick in this scenario. You've worked bloody hard and it's your first decent holiday in five years, the least you deserve is bragging rights to the awesome pool at the front of your sea-view villa.
There are no lies here, I am a big-time Instagram nerd. My feed is something more like a geometry lesson, and you know what - I bloody love it. But, everyone has their own style, and I'd just encourage you to pick one you like, and stick to it. Whether it's all square, with white borders or jazzy coloured ones, it will always look better if it's consistent.
I'm going to take you through the steps to making sure your insta-holiday looks it's best, not only to make your tan look deeper but to make those memories all the more glorious. For the best editing combo, I use the app Afterlight to add white borders and adjust things like sharpness, exposure and play around with the filters (similar to VSCO but I prefer it), then save it down and open in Instagram to use the editing tools there. I find this combo works a treat, but everyone has their personal preferences.
1. The plane
See y'all later suckers! For this one, I suggest getting right up close to the plane window (even if this involves you basically straddling the middle aged man next to you) to capture that dreamy pastel cloud shot. Crank up the brightness, lift the shadows and adjust the warmth according to your photo.
2. The location brag
'Just a normal Monday guys, #blessed' - Ok ok don't go this far. That is just mean. But just like that annoying advert, you chose well goddamit and you just wanna share it with the world!
3. The selfie that you didn't take
This does help if your travelling partner happens to be a photographer, but no matter. You need a picture of yourself just to prove the whole thing was real don't you? The trick is all in picking a good wall. That hawt midday sun makes artsy shadows perfect for prancing in. A black and white won't go a miss at this early stage, because you're probably suffering intense sunburn that isn't insta-ready in the slightest.
4. The pool
'Cos when else are you gonna spend 8 hours reading an amazing book with your feet splashing in your own personal pool? The only way to deal with this is by milking it, to the max. Pools make for fun photo opps, less fun when your boyfriend makes you dive in about 17 times in order to get a nice shot. But it's all worth it hey?
5. The inner explorer
Just to prove you're not JUST lazing about by the pool. You spent a day on the back of a hot motorbike going up a mountain then coincidentally running out of petrol. These moments must not go un-documented. Snap away and post later when you're happily slathered in Aloe Vera sipping a piña colada.
6. The sunset
No holiday photo album would be right without a sunset would it? Try and make the composition clean and symmetrical. When you've got your shot, up the contrast and saturation a bit until you're happy with it.
7. The breakfast
Food is very important. What's the point of the superfood acai smoothie bowl with activated granola and honeyed figs if not for Instagram? It's not like it even tasted good (this one did though tbh).
8. The arty one
Completely optional here but I find that faffing around taking photos on holiday is actually a hobby (can't you tell?). Let your creative juices flow and make the most of all the bright and colourful fun things you'll wish you had in your life when you're back sat on the northern line next week.
9. The 'hot dogs or legs' AKA 'the tan'
The key to this one is in the waiting. Hold off until your last day, when you're super sizzled - this is the time to strike. For an added bit of love onto your tan, reduce the exposure in an app like Afterlight (this feature isn't available on Instagram). This deepens your tan a but without everything looking dark. Then in Instagram, up the brightness and a touch of saturation. You did well.
10. The ending
Something deep and philosophical to mark the ending of your week long brag.
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