How To Save Your Mug From Your Shitty Mug-Stealing Colleagues
The Debrief: Thief-proof mugs to stop this outrage happening ever again
Is there anything worse than getting into work to find that your mug, your precious mug that’s perfectly sized, weighted and designed has gone from the cupboard? I mean yes in the grand scheme of things, probably, but still, it’s a pretty shitty start to the day.
According to a new study by Heinz Cup Soup, one in six of us would sulk if we found someone else drinking out of our mug and 60% have ‘an emotional attachment’ to our mug. And quite rightly so. If you’re forced to spend all day, every day, with a bunch of people you’d probably go out of your way to avoid on a night out, then shouldn’t you have just a little slice of something that’s your very own in your office? Damn straight sister. Haven’t you suffered enough?
So, if you’ve ever experienced the sheer horror of realising your cherished mug has been pilfered by one of your sorry excuses for a colleague, here’s a few new ones to buy that no one will be able to steal.
This mug that could only belong to 1/12 of your office
Catch someone using this mug and they’ll have a hard time proving it’s theirs unless their birthday falls within 30 days of yours. ‘Oh really it’s yours is it Sean? Funny, because I remember eating crappy cake for your birthday three weeks ago when Aries was in rotation. This mug clearly denotes it’s owner is a Libra. HAND IT OVER SEAN.’
This mug that probably won’t be stolen by your male colleagues
Well, not the older, more awkward dudes who don’t really know how to talk to women, let alone use a mug featuring an item of their undergarments. Good sized and heavy, this guy is substantial enough to hold the perfect cup of tea and it's got your back if you're feeling a bit down.
If it’s going to keep going missing no matter what
Then go cheap. Go cheap and basic. This guy from Tiger is a mere £2, classic in shape and still cool enough that it won’t be mistaken for the corporate mugs that inexplicably show up in your office kitchen even though they’ve got nothing to do with your industry whatsoever. Thanks Indectel Financing and Sports Direct!
This one that you can disguise as a pen pot
When does your mug mainly go missing? Overnight that’s when, because no matter how late you are out of work there’s always someone in earlier than you who gets to the kitchen first. What’s needed is a canny disguise and this guy is perfect for doubling up as a holder for your pens on your desk overnight so it’s ready for your use first thing in the morning.
This mug that might land you in a meeting with HR but definitely won't get stolen
Think Ross in Friends with the turkey sandwich (the excellently named 'moistmaker'). This mug is for people at the end of their tether with Mug-Gate and who don't care about offending anyone ever again. This mug sends a message to repeat offenders that you're done with their shit and that they'd better not mess with you again or you'll rain down a wrath of hellish proportions on their pathetic little heads.
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating