Jess Commons | Deputy Editor | 1,038 day ago

Oh S***, You've Drawn The Hardest Person Ever For Secret Santa, Here's What To Get Them (For Under £10)

The Debrief: Presents for all those hard-to-buy-for lads and lasses in your place of work. Even Jim in accounts

For The Bantersaurus

 

He’s got all the grace of a drunken papa bear smashing his way through the M&S homeware section, but deep down you know he’s not all bad. Think the least-bad male candidate on The Apprentice. Unfortunately, ‘cool’ isn’t exactly his thing and therefore he still finds things that other people got bored of months ago hilarious. Like moustaches. And YOLO. And Keep Calm And Carry On shit. And bacon. This jar of baconnaise ought to do the trick.

For The Girl You’re Secretly Crushing All Over

 

She’s basically your real-life version of Solange – ie the girl you stalk on Insta and whose haircut you copied last week. Obviously you’re way too terrified to talk to her properly. Now you’ve got her for Secret Santa, though you can, like, totally show off about how cool you are, too. Don’t be a total dick and shell out a buttload for a really cool designer present (you’ll look mental)  just fork out eight quid for this AMAZINGLY cool nail dryer shaped like a monkey.

For The Office Oddball

 

FFS, what the hell are you meant to get Norman? Norman’s not said anything to anyone in, like, the whole time you’ve been at the company, and he’s pretty much worn the same brown suit every single day. Best to be as vague as possible in your gift and go mainstream. Stephen Fry’s second autobiography More Fool Me won’t offend him if he’s super intellectual and won’t be too taxing if he’s never read a book in his life, because at this point, you've got no idea which one it is.

For The Scary Boss

 

Oh God oh God oh God – what fresh hell is this? Screw this one up and you’ve permanently damaged your career prospects within the company, get it right, though, and you’ll be granted a seat at the golden table along with all the other ‘favourites’. Best not to get too personal (you don’t want them thinking you’re unprofessional) and steer clear of anything with the words ‘World’s Best Boss’ emblazoned on the side. No-one likes a suck-up. Instead, get him or her some fancy coffee from Shoreditch Grind. It’s in a reassuringly expensive-looking brown bag and has a nice fancy logo that screams sophistication. Handy for all those getting up at 5AM-ers they do.

For The Office Dream

 

He’s basically the Harry Styles of your floor, which is weird, because you think that if you took him outside into the real world, he probably wouldn’t be all that hot, it’s just that in here, with the slim pickings going on, he’s almost definitely your best option for that ill-advised Christmas party hook-up. Obviously you don’t want HIM to know that, so steer clear of anything too personal when it comes to your gift. This Never Have I Ever book will almost definitely prompt a game, of which you can totally take advantage.

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Tags: Christmas