How To Survive Your First Day Back At Work
The Debrief: It’s bad, but it’s not that bad
If you’ve been off work for the whole of Christmas then chances are today’s going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. If you’ve already been back at work for days, then this article’s not for you, but we salute you – it’s people like you who keep this great country running, so people like us can sit on our arses and watch Don’t Tell The Bride. So… thanks.
Anyways, for those of you that ARE back today, here’s a few handy tips to help you get through this difficult time…
If you’re going to pull a sickie, pull two
Even if you’re vomiting down yourself, no-one’s going to believe you magically got too ill to go to work on the first day back after Christmas. It’s akin to that time you claimed you had the Noro Virus the day after the Christmas Party. If you absolutely truly totally can’t face work, though, be prepared to take Tuesday off, too, because no-one’s that committed to missing work for a fake illness.
Fuck that New Year’s resolution to bring in your lunch from home
Making salads for the whole week can totally wait until tomorrow. Today you need something to look forward to, no matter how insignificant it is. Use today as your one day you’re allowed to go to that stupidly-expensive place that charges £7 for a pot of hot delicious goodness. You deserve it.
In fact, fuck all New Year’s resolutions today
New Years Resolutions are bullshit anyways. Why make the most depressing month even more depressing by taking away the one thing you really truly love from your life like smoking, or drinking, or lounging around doing nothing? If you have made resolutions then it’s too late to back out now, but for today, just give them a rest. We won’t tell anyone.
Obviously don’t do WORK, today’s just more of a formality really, a sort of ‘show your face to prove you haven’t drowned in a vat of mulled wine in the past week’ type of thing. Instead, dedicate today to planning a whole host of fun and interesting events to do over January, so you’ve got stuff to look forward to. Because knowing you’re going to drink all of the cocktails in a swanky new bar on Friday will almost definitely make Monday-Thursday more palatable.
Spend your entire day on r/oddlysatisfying
Obviously your favourite ever Reddit thread thanks to it’s insignificant but highly-pleasing gifs, pics and videos. Like this gif. Yeah, take that 5 January.
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating