Girls Epsiode Five: Hannah's Been Replaced, Jessa's Two-Faced, And Ray Is A Total Waste
The Debrief: Get ready for Girls' saddest episode yet.
Illustration by Nina Cosford
After last week’s total shocker of a nightmare (Hannah came home to find Adam was living with a blonde girl called Mimi Rose), we pick up where we left off, with Adam and Mimi Rose staring at Hannah who is not, to put it mildly, taking this new development well. Mimi Rose heads off to get a 'cold pressed juice' (because of course she is, she’s got a name like 'Mimi Rose', fuck her) so Adam has time to tell Hannah that Mimi Rose is his girlfriend (or more accurately, being in a relationship is ‘something they’re trying out', classic Adam), that all of Hannah’s stuff is in storage and that Mimi Rose now lives in the apartment Hannah used to live in but a month ago.
Shoshanna shows up doing her best impression of Sex and the City's Charlotte after Carrie gets jilted by Big. Hannah, locked in her bedroom, mourns her relationship and her wall which Adam has ripped down in her absence; always a great shout in a rented building. Shoshanna tries to distract Hannah with the Millenial girl’s version of bunny boiling; Facebook stalking. Unfortunately, like the time my friends and I tried to stalk the new girlfriend of a friend’s ex and found out she used to date Adam Levine, stalking usually does more harm than good. This becomes clear to Hannah and Shosh when they find a video of Mimi Rose doing a guest lecture at a prestigious university. Dick.
Next through the bedroom door is Jessa who, it turns out, knew about Mimi Rose all along and is about as sympathetic to Hannah’s plight as Kanye is to all those people who’s acceptance speeches he’s ruined. OH WAIT. It turns out that Jess actually INTRODUCED Adam and Mimi Rose. Shit move, shit friend. The two hit each other and Jessa leaves.
When Hannah finally leaves her room (after pissing in a bin), she finds Adam’s batshit sister Caroline and her equally ‘out there’ boyfriend Laird have thankfully replaced Adam and Mimi Rose. Thankfully that is, until Caroline backhand compliments the shit out of Hannah and offers her sexual services to cure her of all her ill feelings.
In an episode that’s turning increasingly Black Mirror-esque, next time Hannah opens her bedroom door in the morning, Ray’s there, cooking bacon and busy being super mad on Hannah’s behalf. Although he *might* still be harbouring some internalised hate from his road rage incident in the previous episode. He does get lad points for referring to Desi as a ‘Mumford or Son’ though.
Finally Marnie shows up but Hannah’s too distracted watching Mimi Rose’s speech on YouTube (apparently she broke up with someone when she was nine for ‘hindering her creativity’). Despite being a terrible friend, Marnie does come up with the first bit of good advice that anyone’s had in the last two days. She tells Hannah to let Adam go. Which seems like an outstanding choice when you come home to find your boyfriend has a new live-in girlfriend.
In the last instalment of who’s going to come through the apartment's revolving door next, Adam comes home and while fixing up Hannah’s hand that she burnt on Ray’s bacon earlier on (with what looks suspiciously like superglue) he tells her he’d felt relieved when she’d left for Iowa and that while he once couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, he no longer feels like that. Ouch.
On the upside though, he does say he’ll move out so no new flat for Hannah (small yay). And so in the meantime Hannah heads off to the storage unit Adam dumped her stuff in and bunks down on her old couch in a cold concrete room. Anyone else need a stiff drink? Alright then.
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Picture: Nina Cosford
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