Sorry But The New Official Name For Bubbly Made In Britain Is Pretty Shit
The Debrief: It doesn't roll off the tongue the same way prosecco does
The ranking of sparkling wines is pretty clear. You’ve got champagne up front and centre. As in the real stuff from actual Champagne in France that only comes out when you’re feeling really fancy or if your parents are paying.
Close second (but probably the most popular) is our beloved Prosecco. The Italian tipple of choice for occasions not limited to bottomless brunches, last minute birthday celebrations and, let's be honest, days of the week that end in the letter y. Then of course, our friends over in Spain have gifted us with the equally fun, fizzy and budget friendly cava.
Reigning from some of the Romance-speaking countries of Europe, it’s no wonder that the names of our favourite bottles of bubbles alone just sound delicious. But what of British bubbly?
Odds are you have no idea what it’s actually called, and that's totally not your fault. It’s because a term for sparkling wine produced over here has never actually been agreed on. That is, until now. New York bar owner, Jason Hicks, came up with the term ‘British Fizz’, reports The Times. Yep, British. Fizz. Thrilling, ain't it?
Don't get me wrong, it's about time that we found a legitimate name for British wines - the industry is actually growing really well at the moment and it'll also mean that phony winemakers won't be able to pass their imported grape juice as being from the UK. But comeon guys, the term British Fizz doesn’t exactly scream the grown up beverage that alludes to some semblance of an elegant, fancy lifestyle that the other far better named beverages do, does it?
Can you really hear the obligatory 'wahey' that fills the air whenever the audiable pop of a bottle echoes through a room? For a bottle of 'British Fizz'? I'm sorry, but I don't think I can. To me, 'British Fizz' sounds like the woop-less name of a forgotten, questionably flavoured soda pop brand lost to the memory of the 1950s.
Nevertheless, the United Kingdom Vineyard Association is applying for protected geographical indication (PGI) status for the name so that, much like in the case of sparkling wine made in Champagne for example, only winemakers growing grapes in the UK will be able to put the term 'British Fizz' on their labels.
Sam Lindo, chairman of the UK Vineyard Associaton and winemaker at Camel Valley vineyard told The Times: ‘No one’s ever going to agree on a name so maybe we have to go with the name that people are already using and protect that name before we lose it.’ But we can do better you guys. We are Shakespeare's nation for fucks sake. Shakespeare would not toast to a bottle of British Fizz. Not a chance.
In terms of 'British Fizz' becoming a legit thing that people have to acknowledge, the application has to go through our Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs and then on to the EU. In case you were wondering, it was also reported that the term would still be recognised across the world post-Brexit.
It sounds like the whole process will take a while. So while there’s potentially still time, I'm hoping someone presents some alternatives to the powers that be. My vote is 'Albion'. Look it up. It works.
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