Stevie Martin | Staff Writer | Friday, 17 July 2015

Six Second Hacks: Which Fake Nose Rings Hurt And Which Work?

Best Fake Nose and Septum Rings UK: Tried And Tested (With Videos)

The Debrief: Some of these hurt and cost £6. Don't spend your money until you've seen them on a real nose.

Everyone who’s anyone has their nose pierced now - even though it’s high maintenance and will turn you into a saline solution obsessed heap of bitterness - whether that be the trad piercing placement, or the Madonna-style septum ring, so why not fake it? It’s cheaper, won’t ever get infected, and you can take it out for a few days without having to get it re-pierced because the bastard’s closed up. 


READ MORE: Septum Piercings: Everything You Need To Know About The Piercing of 2016


River Island Fake Nose Ring - £5

I couldn’t get this on. It’s supposedly adjustable but it didn’t adjust for me, and the little spiky bits went into my finger. Then my nose started watering because it pinched so hard. Probably give this one a miss, or get your actual nose pierced. It hurts less. 

 Urban outfitters Fake Nose Ring (Works for Septum) - £6

My fave. It’s small, delicate and really easy to adjust so you can wear it on your septum or your nose flap (this is what I’ll be calling it from now on, so get on board). You can probably wear it as an ear cuff too, or on your lip, the thing is pretty much perfect for all piercings. Only foreseeable issue is that it’s very thin so could break fairly easily if you’re out dancing or just walking around really violently. 

Claire’s Accessories Fake Nose Rings - £10 (for 3)

Sort of halfway between River Island and Urban Outfitters sits Claire’s, and yes I did get one of these free in Shout magazine when I was 12. And yes I did scare the shit out of my grandparents who thought my mum had allowed me to get my lip done. And yes it did make me ask my parents if I could get my lip done, and they said no, provoking me to scratch I HATE DAD into my cupboard door. This is sturdy, adjustable and a bit thicker so you feel like it’ll live for more outings than the more delicate fake piercings. Plus, it comes in threes! One for every occasion! 

Aldo Fake Nose Rings - £6

Well this is… interesting. Obviously I look like a dick with a chunky septum piercing, but I’m sure other people suit it way more. I had to squeeze this quite hard (causing me to cry out of one eye again) which hurt a lot and then, once I’d wiped tears away, it was left feeling a bit loose and waggly. Wouldn’t recommend for head banging or rollercoasters. 

Summary: Go to Urban Outfitters or Claire’s Accessories stat. They’ve got the best fake piercings that actually look real and won’t make your nose hurt. It’s also possible that I’m a fucking wimp. 

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