Calling Bullshit On Wearing No Makeup
The Debrief: SS15 You can piss right off. Makeup rules. Long live makeup...
When did makep become cheap? I'm not talking Primark cheap - though props to their £1.50 Blusher Stick which has changed my cheeks forever (if you suddenly become animate and read this dear stick, I love you) - I'm talking cheap as in, 'god, she’s wearing a face full!', and referring to said 'face full' as ‘slap’.
Not getting all Year 9 history on you, but back in the day (look, year 9 with Miss Cadwallader was 15 yrs ago, back the day is as specific as this time scale is gonna get), makeup was proper classy, a sign of cool, a sign that yeah, you might have pancake-sized pox marks like the gutter dwelling paupers flogging market produce*, but at least you can afford some cakey white crap to cover it up.
*leeks and carrots, probably.
But in one big fashion fuck you, the powers that be (the sort of fashion dick that also prohibits us from legitimately wearing long johns to work) have declared that makeup is over. Passé. Obsolete. To put it in Valley Girl vernacular: 'Makeup is so last season, ya'
For the season ahead, if we are to be truly accepted as worthy, wordly, fashion-forward individuals, we must cleanse our souls, rid ourselves of insecurity and shove our makeup where the sun don't shine (calm down, I mean in the recesses of your wardrobe, not your arse). Bright lipstick, colour-pop shadows, creamy blush... Laters. For 2015 is the year of the naked face.
Ah, the naked face. Think flawless dewy Kendall skin, think models radiating from within like they’ve have swallowed a 60-watt and it’s become permanently lodged in their trachea. Yes. This is the face that launched Fashion Week SS15.
It saw Marc Jacobs and Christopher Kane showcase the blank face to full undone effect, as did Erdem, where the look was defined as ‘beautifully organic’. Pre-season, I imagine the designers and beauty bigwigs conduct a self-indulgent powwow that consists of them sat around a long Perspex table astride bleached-white flamingos wearing black sunglasses and black ties, while Karl Lagerfeld hovers at the head in the lotus position determining what trend will translate as shitly as possible to non-model types with unfortunate predilections for acquiring spots.
'So, the consensus is no makeup, ya? And nude nails, and… YA! Why not keep hair bland too? Slicked back to really unify this beautifully organic trend.' (Karl’s speech marks if you're wondering).
You might be reading this and actually be signed to Select, in which case, God bless YOU. But this trend relies on either winning the genetic lottery, including the bonus ball, or, putting in some serious hours perfecting said natural look with a load of neutral/nude/beige/tonal/flesh-toned products to achieve fashions' latest crush.
My problem (OK, one of them) is that this trend is just SO impartial, the beauty equivalent of an apathetic existence. Either wear makeup and have fun with it, or don’t. As in, DONT ACTUALLY WEAR IT. Why in the name of fucks would you spend hours trying to fake the no makeup, makeup look?
The amount of time it takes to look vaguely decent, combined with the amount of products you need to achieve the natural look, means you might as well make it bloody obvious you’re wearing it. A quick Vlog tutorial check reaffirms this. Turns out you need triple the products to achieve this look than a smokey eye ( mascara, eyeliner - maybe a Mac 214 brush if you wanna go pro).
Because IRL, as in, off catwalk, people have spots. Sparse eyebrows. Eyelashes that grow at a downward angle, dark circles... Without my friend concealer, I’d be a mess. Mentally, physically, and you’d look at me and think, 'shit, she looks tired.' And 'wow, aren’t her lashes droopy?'
This is a weekly conversation between my boyfriend and I: 'You're putting on foundation for Sainsburys? Who are you expecting to impress? The cashier?' Yes, you’re damn right the cashier. It's Hackney. People judge. I barely leave the house without makeup, even a quick Dettol of the kitchen deserves at least a translucent powder (Nars if you're asking). Maybe I’ve got a problem, Fashion SS15 seems to think so. But, I’m not alone. And nor are you. We have a flame-haired champion fighting our corner.
Someone who declined the flamingo fashion love-in, who is the voice of reason in this silly sartorial affair, is the delightfully ginger makeup know-all Charlotte Tilbury. Speaking in a recent interview, her words on the power of makeup need to be meme-ified and Instagrammed immediately. She spoke about how, at the age of 13, she discovered makeup and it changed her life (her words).
'I started wearing mascara and overnight, everyone from seven to 70 reacted to me in a different way: I was more popular and I felt more confident. While at first it seemed a depressing realisation, I soon realised make-up is powerful: it's every woman's secret weapon.' Big hand clap to CT. Oh yeah, and apparently no one has seen her without her slap on. Case closed. If it’s good enough for Charlotte, it’s good enough for us.
Ss15 can do one.
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