Jess Commons | Deputy Editor | Friday, 29 May 2015

What Your Boyfriend\\\'s Pants Say About Your Relationship

What Your Boyfriend's Pants Say About Your Relationship

The Debrief: Skidmarks are actually a really good sign

I still have pants from when I was 15 and, while I could choose to see that as yet more proof that I’m not yet a together human being, instead I choose to see it as a positive – I can still fit in something I used to wear over ten years ago! Sure they’re stretched to their full potential and leave diggy in red marks on my hips, bum and vagina but HEY. I can still fit in something I wore over ten years ago. What have you done with your life?

Anyways. In the same way you can tell a lot about a girl from her pants (let’s be honest, the entire above statement just proves that I’m absolutely not a together human being) you can also tell a lot about a relationship from the chap’s pants. Here’s what his pants say about your relationship.

Non-existent

You guys are having a GREAT time. Whether they’re constantly off or you’re both just too busy to do any washing, something’s going on that’s keeping the old flame going. If you could trouble him to at least put on trousers before you both leave the house though that would be marvellous. Well done you, on all the great sex.

Skid-marky

Some people view this as the sign that you guys have given up. A sign that you guys have gone past the sexy honeymoon stage and into the not-having-sex, sitting in Pizza Hut not saying anything to each other stage. We beg to differ. How magical is it that you’ve found someone that you still love after seeing his actual shit? That, my friend, is the definition of true love.

Boxer shorts (the baggy kind)

His mum still buys his pants for him. His mum definitely still buys his pants for him. Or he hasn’t put on any weight since he was 15. This either means you’ve got an uncomfortable relationship with his mum. Or you’re both terrible cooks. Here’s hoping for the latter.

Tight black Calvins

Not been together long have you? Guys have date pants too, you know. Somewhere at home there’s a whole box of holey, greying, men’s-equivalent-to-period-pants just waiting to surprise you. Enjoy this while it lasts.

Cartoon characters

Whether they’ve got Homer Simpson’s face with a giant donut down by where the willy is hiding or Spongebob on one bum cheek and Squidworth on the other, you’re someone with a lot of patience on your hands. Between your boyfriend’s dad jokes, hilarious drunken antics and/or questionable dress sense, you’re definitely the mothering kind.

Thong

You choose men terribly. Get out, get help now.

Like this? Then you might also be interested:

How To Steal Your Mum’s Clothes Like A Champ

Big Feet, Big Socks? The Perils Of Being A Larger Footed Lady

Fashion Stages We’d All Rather Forget (Yep, We’re Talking Punkyfish)

Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

Tags: List LOLS, Relationships