We Tried On All The Pear-Friendly Jeans On The High Street So You Don’t Have To
The Debrief: 'Oh, let’s go jean shopping, that should be fun,' said no pear-shaped girl EVER
Oh, denim! The cruellest of all fashion mistresses. For those of us who bare the pear-shape, and admittedly for everyone else, ‘jean shopping’ is one phrase in the fashion lexicon that is feared above all. It sends shivers through my cellulite and leaves me quaking in my midi skirt.
Ever since THAT Levi’s advert, denim has become the hottest commodity to wrap your pins in. It’s casual yet sexy, comfortable yet cool. And we want it now.
The high street has been notoriously bad for accommodating (ahem) our sizeable behinds and thick thighs. But unless you can whip up a pair of jeans on the Singer or borrow a pair off your equally pear-shaped mum who could actually find jeans to fit her back in the good old days, you’re stuck with our trusty British shops.
So I went on a mission - an undertaking of incomparable bravery, if I say so myself. My mission is thus: To find the best high street jeans for pear shaped gals. (Srsly, thank me later…I’m too busy showing off my denim-clad behind ATM.)
A denim colour variation not designed for the faint-hearted. Although slightly easier to wear than their white counterparts, acid wash jeans can be tricky. This pair from Primarni is super stretch and super high waisted, and consequently are super flattering. Although, be warned, they’re not very heavy weight so may not be the most durable. I would avoid lunges. They come in both light and dark blue acid wash and are a steal at only a tenner; the cheapest pair on our list. Bravo!
Super High Waist Skinny Jeans in blue or light blue, Primark; £10
Hallelujah and Praise the Lord, flares are a thing again! The wide style gives the larger-hipped lady the key to any good silhouette: balance. And now that flares are cool again (and not a costume party throwback to the age of Aquarius) you can be as daring as you want. I say the wider the flare, the better! This pair from Topshop is relatively demure in flare angle (or flangle…trademarked) but they are in the sale and I’m a sucker for a bargain. There are lots of options on the high street right now so go forth and work those flangles, gurl.
Jamie Flare Jeans, Topshop; £40
Okay, so these aren’t strictly jeans. They’re jeggings. But they’re jeggings that are doing a damn good impersonation of jeans. The material is soft to the touch, while still feeling exactly like denim. They’re heavy weight enough to last longer than Cher. Feel free to romp around in them; I’ve got loads of pairs and not one has worn out yet. That’s another thing, they come in all the colours of the rainbow and some are made with added styling details like zips, if that’s what you’re into. They’re the highest of all the high waisted jeans I’ve had the pleasure of wearing and the stretch means they hug you in all the right places. If you don’t pull these on and instantly feel like wiggling your butt, I’ll eat my jeans. If Beyoncé could recommend you a pair of jeans, it would be these. Disclaimer: I haven’t actually conferred with Beyoncé over the matter but I’m sure I’m right on this.
Jeggings, Marks and Spencer; £22.50
All pears should embrace the Mom jean. They are literally built for people with childbearing hips like us. YEY! The best pair, undoubtedly, is from Topshop. They’re a great shape, they’re comfy (if a little stingy on the amount of material set aside to encase your thighs) and they come in classic light wash. Your ‘Mom’ will be so proud.
Mom Jeans, Topshop; £40
This is the priciest pair on the list but honestly, with the amount of support they give your ample bottom, it’ll save you a bundle in the long run on gym membership which you’ll no longer will need as these jeans make big bums look gooooood. I’m assuming that’s the reason they have rather oddly been dubbed the ‘girlfriend’ jean. Because no man could resist that heiney? TBC.
Girlfriend Jeans, BDG @ Urban Outfitters; £55
Being someone who doesn’t like to draw too much attention to their rather chunky legs, I usually avoid ripped jeans. However, River Island to the rescue! These jeans are flatteringly and understatedly ripped on the knee, which a) avoids thigh flesh bulges and b) reassures people you can actually afford clothes without holes in. On a side note, ripped jeans are super easy to DIY, so if this pair doesn’t suit then grab a cheap pair of skinnies, some scissors and rip away!
Amelie Super Skinny Jeans; River Island, £42
Oh, the horror. The unflattering whites that seem to highlight all your lumps and bumps and the see through crotches are enough to put me off, not to mention not being able to sit down all day for fear of butt stains. But finally, Dotty P has designed a pair of white jeans that are the bee’s knees. I like them because they are the only pair I’ve ever come across with which you can wear black underwear and be the only person in the world that knows you’re wearing black underwear. And wearing black underwear is great because it makes me feel sexy and a pear-shaped girl needs to feel sexy and confident to brave white jeans.
Harper Jeans, Dorothy Perkins; £15
No, really. I was dubious at first too. They’re a bit too left field for a pear to wear, right? Wrong! The culotte jean is super flattering. They sit on your itsy bitsy waist and skim over your hips in an oh-so wonderful way. This pair (again from Topshop, who deserve commendation for their pear-friendly denim right now) is lightweight and casual. Perfect for summer days when gusts of tube wind - and the ensuing Marilyn moment - reveal you’re wearing your ugly pants because you haven’t done a clothes wash in an age.
Culottes, Topshop; £20
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