The Trouble With Trying To Dress All 70s
The Debrief: Flared jeans do not work well with puddles. We learned this in 2002 guys. Why did we go back?
The 70s is refusing to die. This time last year as fashion month came to a close, we were all pumped for a summer of long fringed dresses, suede skirts and generally chanelling Bianca Jagger and/or Joni Mitchell in our every sartorial move.
Now autumn's finally here, we're having to accept that we didn't quite master the look in the way we originally imagined we would and, unfortunately, as the weather turns colder, there's no sign of the suede invasion going away.
Here's the struggles we've had trying to go 70s.
There's a damn fine line between sartorial genius and fancy dress
Flared jeans and a nice polo neck? Goooooooood. Fur gillet, dangly necklace and platform clogs and you've either found yourself the perfect Halloween outfit or you've mastered the art of 70's dressing: Kardashian style.
Fringing is not condusive to city living
Maybe that armful of suede and leather tassels looks great when you're twirling around in a meadow for your Instagram picture but, walking down Oxford street dodging tourists and slow walkers alike? You are bound to get caught on something, probably another human, who will rip that tassel right off your arm.
Plus, it costs a bloody bomb. Unless you wanna get the cheap stuff. In which case everyone will know because it'll look like shit. But seriously; have you ever looked into how much it is to get suede dry cleaned? £65 quid for my beige suede jacket it was. As a result, it's sitting filthy in my cupboard, never to be worn again.
Flares are not good in the rain
Cast your mind back, if you will, to the last time you wore bootcut jeans. The year was 2002 and, when it rained, you had a real problem with puddle juice seeping up from the floor to give yourself a very soggy ankle. This is why skinny jeans were better. This is why they've lasted for so long. Why couldn't we remember this?
Those floppy hats though.
Are bloody everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I wore one once, which was fine, until I reached the gig I was going to. What the hell are you meant to do with it then? Roll it up and pop it in your bag? Keep wearing it and block the view of the girl behind you? Keep wearing it and risk sweaty head? It's a minefield.
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating