Stevie Martin | Staff Writer | Wednesday, 23 September 2015

The Most Fashion Instagrams Ever, Recreated By A Non-Fashion Person

The Most Fashion Instagrams Ever, Recreated By A Non-Fashion Person

The Debrief: 'Thanks so much to @lipstickcoolfuntime' for my makeover!' Your makeover looks batshit, mate.

Fashion week. A time for creative expression, huge bibs (seriously, what is it with this year and massive bibs) and the same instagram snaps being churned out again and again. We decided to recreate them using a person who doesn't understand fashion (me) and the lovely people at Primark (every item of clothing you see in the below images is from Primark, and I would like to buy all of them but tragically I have to send them back because that's what fashion people do). 

Of course this is just a bit of fun, but there really is only one serious rule I learned while trawling through pictures for inspiration. Firstly, it's difficult to recreate the 'back of the cab' picture when you have no money to get in a cab and no car. Secondly, wearing sunglasses makes you look instantly fashion. There's something instantly chic about not having any eyes. 

Anyway, onwards into the most common fashion snaps you'll have been drowning in this week. And every week if you follow these sorts of people all year round - which is impressive and exhausting in equal measures. 

Shoes on two types of floor

What is the obsession with the floor intersections? Also, a lot of these pictures are accompanied by captions that reference neither the shoes nor the floor. Just admit it, you want to show everyone how great your shoes are and make us horribly jealous. You want people to comment 'HEART HEART HEART WHERE ARE THOSE SHOES FROM SHOE EMOJI' so you can say '@Gucci' and watch their tiny souls die through your screen. As an aside, I've literally done this on my instagram profile. It was supposed to be a joke, hence the "hilarious" caption and accompanying hashtags, and actually turned out pretty butt-clenchingly sincere. Got 17 likes though, sooooo. 

 

These shoes from @asos are just the greatest #shoes #shoesthatarethegreatest #ootd #lovinglife #hi

A photo posted by Stevie Martin (@5teviem) on May 30, 2015 at 1:37am PDT

The wearing your shirt backwards snap (bonus points for being in a road)

Are you actually joking? I mean, I suppose it's creative, and I did definitely feel like a fashion person while walking around like this. But I'd be too embarrassed to turn up to a coffee with my mate wearing a back-to-front shirt. It's a bit... wrong. Like if I grew legs out of my arms. Also, being photographed in a road might be the ultimate fashion coup, but it's dangerous because of cars (as pictured) and buses (not pictured).  

The makeup brag 

Usually accompanied by a caption along the lines of 'Thanks so much to @lipstickcoolfuntime for my amazing look. So wearable and striking!', it's pretty clear that this is the opposite of wearable. They usually look batshit. And nobody is ever going to wear this makeup beyond an instagram snap they had to take otherwise @lipstickcoolfuntime won't send them nice stuff again. 

Refusing to wear arms inside your sleeves 

Utilising outerwear as it was designed to be used is so fucking passe right now. Haven't you heard? Sleeves are as defunct as a kangaroo's third vagina (they have three vaginas, and one of them is basically a cul-de-sac. Google it) because nobody wants to be seen dead being able to move their arms. I tried this out and was unable to take my phone out without the coat falling off. Then, because I was in a road (classic fashion) I nearly got hit by a bus. Probably not worth it, just put your effing arms in your effing sleeves so you can function appropriately. 

Refusing to use bag straps and holding the bag instead

You're all total mavericks. What's next, wearing hats as shoes and long skirts as veils? Roll on Spring/Summer. 

Taking pics of their free breakfasts 

Usually accompanied by 'Thanks to @theexpensivemayfairhotelplace for my breakfast! Om nom' and makes you want to kill yourself as you drily swallow another piece of toast without butter on it because you can't afford to eat out at The Expensive Mayfair Hotel Place. Or any place. You also can't afford butter. This particular breakfast was actually photographed by Chem Squier, Debrief editorial assistant, who was not at Fashion Week and just enjoying a slap-up meal. She wanted me to link to her instagram, so here it is. Follow her. 

Never having any friends

Or, if you do have friends, getting them to move the fuck away so you can be street-styled. If they're not wearing heels and sunglasses, it doesn't matter how much fun you're having - they're cramping you're style so you should probably garotte them with one of your little cute neck details. Nothing more fashion than that, beb.

Pretending to like juice 

Anyone who takes pictures of juice is lying to you. Juice isn't a meal and it either tastes so sweet your teeth pretty much talk to you, or so nothing-y that you gag. That's juice. 

Like this? You might also be interested in...

Classic Male Tinder Poses Recreated By A Girl

Calling Bullshit On Fashion Jargon

5 Ways To Wear A White Shirt You Hadn't Thought About 

Follow Stevie on Twitter: @5tevieM

 

Tags: Fashion So-Called Rules