Stupid Things You've Bought In The Last Few Weeks Because They Were In The Sale
The Debrief: Sale bargains aren't always a good idea. The high street is laughing at you.
Because you can’t control yourself (new year new you going swimmingly), you’ve no doubt made some massive clangers shopping in the sales. Here’s the crap you’ve bought in recent weeks.
Something not in your size
Always, always stick to your sizes, ladies. Just because those jeans are now £19 doesn’t mean that you’re somehow going to squeeze into a size 8 and, never but never has £19 been enough incentive to lose some weight.
Instead, those jeans are just going to sit there in the bottom of your drawer until you get them out at six-monthly intervals hoping that by some miracle they’ve turned themselves into the perfect pants.
One day you’ll finally get round to chucking them out, unworn, and they’ll weigh heavy on you from the bottom of the charity clothes bag and come to stand as a symbol for every goal you’ve set and failed to reach in your life forever more.
Something wildly weather inapproriate
Because there’s so much stuff, shops are still trying to shift last summer’s stock to make way for this summer’s stock. Silly, really.
Hell, when I worked at [insert generic high street shop here] as a teenager, some of the stuff we’d put out on the shop floor during sales time hadn’t seen the light of day since Atomic Kitten were in the charts – and even Kerry would have turned her nose up at it.
Anyways. What I’m saying is, if you didn’t buy it last summer, you don’t need it this summer. And it’s still winter. Put the boho skirt down.
Something wildy inappropriate in general
Some stuff is only OK for popstars to wear. Like those American Apparel disco hotpants a few years back, bras-as-tops or those big knicker things that we were encouraged to wear with sheer black tights for full Beyonce appeal.
Just because they now cost less than a Boots Meal Deal doesn’t mean that they’ll look any less weird and/or bonkers down the Queen’s Head on a Saturday night. So, unless you’ve got a headline slot on the Pyramid Stage coming up, may we suggest ditching them?
Because during the sale, your concept of how much everything costs gets very, very skewed – largely thanks to overstocked retailers selling things that once cost more than £100 for the now jaw-dropping sum of £17.
Shoes have always been expensive, so when on sale they’re still over 50 quid and you’re not tempted. Shit shoes that once cost 30, now cost 10 though, yep, you loaded up on them, didn’t you?
Congratulations, you now have a wardrobe full of shoes so badly made they’re more disposable than your contact lenses.
A ring that’s got no business being described as ‘gold’
Basket total £47.90? Got to make it up to £50 to qualify for free shipping. Let’s go to the jewellery aisle and choose between earrings that make your ears look and feel like they were pierced yesterday, a ring that turns green in three hours or a necklace that brings you out in a rash on your collarbone.
These are now your grandchildren’s heirloom pieces. You massive cheapskate.
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