Oscars Red Carpet 2016: If Dresses Could Talk
The Debrief: The good, the babetastic, and the downright bananas. Here's all the dresses from Hollywood's biggest night
It's the Oscars 2016. Holy crap. What a night. Everyone's talking about Leo and his Oscar but really, what we're all here for right now is to have a little look at what the world's biggest celebs decided to wear on this the most important celeb night of the year.
Let's have a look shall we?
I mean, if Alicia wants to be any more attractive that would be excellent. Here, we've got the Swedish actress doing Belle from Beauty and the Beast for the Snapchat generation. Not pictured: Mrs. Potts and Cogsworth.
This dress is no doubt terribly expensive and therefore a totally safe pick. It's the sort of dress that you should never ever buy the high street knock off of though. It'd look lovely for all of three hours before all of those sequins and beads would fall off all over the floor of Liquid nightclub and you'd spend the rest of the evening on your hands and knees trying to find them while trying to avoid being stepped on by girls slut dropping to Anaconda.
For those of you wondering what mermaid princesses wear on dry land (that age old question), it's this. This beautiful gorgeous creation. Can you even imagine how satisfying it would be to hug Saoirse right now? Like hugging a seal. A shiny, beautiful, lovely seal. What. A. Babe.
Sansa proves yet again why you don't mess with the Starks. This is one of those dresses that I'd have to strap myself into seventeen layers of spanx pants, body suits and corsetry to be in with a hope of wearing in public. Sophie Turner though probably just popped it on twenty minutes ago, ate a quick sandwich and called an Uber. Hero.
You know when you want to mix lace, waterfall ruffles, Victoriana, Star Wars hair and Angelina Jolie's right leg all into one look but can't figure out how to pull it off? This is your most excellent template.
Ryan Seacrest just called this dress 'blue-tiful' so as punishment I'm going to link to this time that he tried to high five a blind kid. Anyways, this dress is maybe a little prom dressy for me but Brie's probably just about to win the Best Actress Oscar and I'm sitting in my pants drinking squash so what do I know?
Well this is just one of the greatest looks of all time. It's kind of like if the Oscars statue was a really very beautiful person (who also happens to be an excellent actress) and showed up to walk the red carpet. Everyone would be like 'Hey, isn't that the Oscars statue IRL?' I mean there's worse things to be mistaken for.
Another green dress! St. Patrick's Day is just around the corner after all. Maybe Saoirse and Rachel can get together and lead our St Paddy's drinking party which so far consists of again, sitting on the couch in our pants. Although this time drinking Guiness. Nice dress BTW.
Here I have to apologise that our CMS (the back technical bit) of our website won't let us use emojis as text because for sure, there's literally no better use for the hands up, praise be emoji than to salute this look. One day, when I'm all grown up, I aim to be Cate Blanchett. Like, classy looking, all the damn time. It's almost certainly an achievable goal. Watch this space.
If you watch Scandal (and oh my gosh what are you actually doing with your life if you don't) then you'll know Kerry's character Olivia Pope is all about the gladiators. Here she is channelling that look in real life. Bascially, don't worry if there's a political or presidential emergency at The Oscars tonight. Olivia Pope's got you covered.
Gaga's boob situation here is very Carrie-Bradshaw-in-her-wedding-dress. A sterling look. Also, she's got trousers on underneath (Kris Jenner just called her bottom half a 'pant' on TV - dunno why) which means it's totally acceptable to pull out your skirt-over-trousers look from Tammy's 1999 spring/summer collection. Or you know, maybe purchase another pair that actually fit you in 2016.
I'd like to think that later, Kate's going to have a few drinks and find the disco ball at the Vanity Fair party and shake herself and her shiny, shiny dress underneath it and have a total billboard time. It's going to be majestic.
Leslie Knope here looking a million bucks and a million miles away from the Pawnee Parks Department. What would Ron Swanson say? Probably nothing. Although he'd sip an oak-aged whiskey in appreciation. Waffles for everyone post-show.
This is how my hair is meant to look IRL. Actually, it does look like this but if I'd taken a picture of J-Law to my mate Grace (who once cut me a terrible fringe) and said 'go wild'. Safe to say it isn't the same at all. Anyways J-Law looks awesome. This is kind of like the Oscars red carpet gothic version of a Southern Belle. Excellent in all areas.
Tom Hardy and Charlotte Riley
Tom Hardy here doing that thing that only celebs can get away with and wearing sunglasses which means he doesn't actually have to talk to anyone. Going to try this tomorrow on the tube. His wife Charlotte Riley though? Excellent shout on the gown. I want this as my wedding dress.
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