We Try Lidl's New Line Of Bras And Pants, So We Can Call Bullshit On The Rule You Need To Spend A Fortune On Underwear
The Debrief: At just £7 a set, we're curious whether Lidl's lingerie is as good as the luxe stuff
I used to wear granny pants. Not pants that look like they should be worn by a grandmother - pants that once belonged to my grandmother. Sensible M&S black knickers she'd never worn as she'd bought them in the wrong size.
When I admitted/bragged about this to my boyfriend - because I thought it was a HOOT - he used the information to campaign for a complete underwear overhaul; 'Extreme Makeover: Pants Edition.'
At first I protested, stating I wanted to spend my minimal 'fun-money' strictly on cheap wine, which made me feel arguably more sexy than crotchless panties did. (Victoria's Other Secret. Badoom-Chhh.)
But when he emptied my knicker drawer onto the bed and talked me through exactly what was wrong with each pair: greying white, half the elastic left in the waistband, fraying etc, I had to agree I did need an upgrade - shuddering at the prospect of budgeting it in.
A few months and a couple of hundred pounds later, I have a small but respectable collection of posho undergarments that are aesthetically pleasing but an absolute bugger to hand wash.
AND NOOWWW I find out Lidl - of all bloody places has brought out a range of perfectly acceptable, pretty damn cute lingerie for circa £7 a set that you can also put in the washing machine.
You know when you feel like the universe is laughing at you?... Yeah. That.
Ok, obviously they are not woven from the arses of ancient chinese silkworm, or sewn by porcelain hands of a Geisha but they are the price of an Itsu Takeaway. So I decided to road test some for you. Here goes.
The Bras come packaged in very cute cylindrical mini hat boxes. Top marks for any packaging that has a life post bra removal. I'm planning on covering mine in stickers and using it to store my emergency cigarettes and all those gross photos of throat cancer I've cut out of the packets.
The main issue I have with knickers is that they stick into my hip fat. And YES this might be because I refuse to acknowledge I may not still be a size 8 but I reckon it's also a lot to do with the design. The Lidl underwear, has that awesome elasticky lacy stuff (this one's got LYCRA in it) that sits perfectly, giving a smooth silhouette whilst not sliding down at inopportune moments. Ok they're not the thick 100% cotton dairy-maid bloomers your gyno recommends but they are good pretty everyday wear that won't make you muffin top or leave you perpetually trying to sneakily unpick a frontal wedgie.
Looking cute and super substantial for my 399 pennies, I remind myself that this costs just shy of a Big Mac meal. It's a push up style that gives great cleave and the right amount of lift - i.e. not making my boobs look like they're growing out of my neck, Babs Windsor style. There's one fly in the ointment - the tag is the cheapster giveaway and a bit scratchy so needs to be cut off. But what about the positives?
1. It feels soft and cushiony - because everybody needs a pillow for a bosom.
2. A thick strap around the ribcage, gives good support.
3. It passed the jiggle test: I ran for the bus and my nipple didn't fall out. (This happened frequently with my posho bras BTdubz)
4. The cut under the arm isn't too tight so you don't get accentuated underarm flabby bits. What ARE those flabby bits called??? Oxters? Am I making that up?
5. Under a tighty whitey vest-top there was a smooth bra to boob line and my boobs looked so good I wanted to motorboat myself. Ah, if only...as it stands I'll just have to keep overfeeding my boyfriend...
Which brings me to...
Me: 'Hey! What do you think of this set?'
Boy: 'Yeah it's nice'
Me: 'How nice?'
Boy: 'It's really pretty'
Me: 'It cost seven pounds'
Boy:'Why do you always tell me how cheap your clothes are?'
Me: 'Because it's a bargain! Does it look like it cost 7 pounds?'
Me: 'Is it at nice as my other stuff?'
There endeth the conversation. Because I got fed up of monosyllables and went for a bath.
All things considered, the verdict is: it's just pointless spending money you could spend on some epic nights out when Lidl's got it down for seven quid.
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