In Defense Of Wearing Black All Day, Every Day
The Debrief: Wearing black is less of a life choice and more a method of covering up that you don't know how to use a knife and fork correctly
Now it’s winter, folks who choose just to wear black clothes are in their bloody element. There’s nothing in the shops apart from black fabric and the occasional sparkly mini dress (Christmas party season is coming after all).
If wearing black isn’t your thing and you’re more a floral-print kind of gal then you’re probably starting to struggle with what to wear the same way that we black-wearing girls do in the summer. Make this the year that you give up on coloured clothes and come over to the dark side. It’s much better. Here’s why.
The Scandis do it
And everyone knows Scandinvian people are much cooler than you’ll ever be. Have you seen Scandi TV shows? Those seven-foot blonde goddess women literally give no shits. And that’s all that matters when it comes to being cool.
Visiting Copenhagen a few weeks ago, I found there was literally like one grey top and one white top on sale in the whole damn city. Everything else was black. This is probably because black looks really good next to all their copper interiors and excellent choices of houseplant.
Stains don’t show up
At least, not as much as they would if you were wearing a virginal white dress. If you’re a serial spiller (hello, there’s a group of us, we meet on Thursday evenings at the local community centre and share our tales of spilling woes, come join us), then you’ll know that black is less of a life choice and more of a necessity to looking like a pulled-together human being who knows how to use a fork and/or spoon correctly.
It’s easy to get compliments
You know that moment in films where a girl dresses up and walks down the stairs or comes out of her front door and everything goes slow for a second and the guy who’s taking her out is all like, ‘Wooooowwwww’?
If you wear colours and well thought-out outfits every day then the chances of you getting this reaction IRL drops substantially; everyone’s seen you in your glad rags, there’s nothing new to be seen here.
Wear black always though, and the second you put on a fancy red dress, people will freak the hell out. Use this new-found super power sparingly and choose when best to pull the red dress card, though. The more you use it, the less power it has.
You can wear mental stuff and get away with it
Team a pair of blue sequinned ankle boots alongside a similarly loud outfit and you’ll look like what I imagine Claudia Kishi of the Babysitters’ Club looked like on a daily basis (srsly, some of those outfits sounded batshit).
But, keep the rest of your outfit bland, black and ‘chic’ and you can get away with wearing pretty much anything as a bonkers accessory. We’ll take a pair of those parrot earrings now, thanks Claudia.
You can get away with doing bugger all washing
If you do washing on a regular basis then you’re not a person that lives in a small cramped house with four other people. Even if you manage to get to the washing machine, there’s then the huge problem of where you’re going to hang it; the one clothes horse is in use already and the stair railing is covered in socks from various housemates from years gone by.
If you’re just wearing black on black, everything goes, so you can wear whatever you want, whenever you want.
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