Flashback Friday To Girls' Aloud's Truly Terrible Early Noughties Wardrobes
The Debrief: We all copied them. No-one is innocent. Honey coloured chunky highlights for everyone.
Now Girls Aloud might all be together, cool looking ladies with nice hair and fancy wardrobes (some perhaps more than others) but, back then Girls Aloud were just five normal girls, just like you and me, plucked from obscurity and thrust into the public eye with nary a concern for the fact that, despite now being celebrities, they still looked just like you and me.
As a result, they wore what we wore. Nothing was off limits. From leggings and tunics, hipster jeans in a time when no-one went to the gym and wide 'gypsy' belts that served no purpose other than to make a statement in the name of fashion, Girls Aloud and their horrible, horrible clothes from the noughties are merely a mirror to your early sartorial choices. Here's some of the worst offenses.
1. Ladies in red
A veritable smorgasbord of early noughties fashion: leggings, asymetric jersey skirts, belted tunics and, courtesy of Kimberly Walsh, that fringe what everyone got when Beyonce released Crazy In Love. I did. I let my mate Grace cut it. I looked like pillock.
2. Quiff sisters (quiffters?)
The siganture look of noted fashion house 'Pineapple Dance Studios'. Flashdance-esque slouchy tops proved you were a 'dancer' and heavy use of the backcombed quiff was perfect for keeping that Beyonce fringe off your forehead while you bopped away to Something Kinda Oooh with all the grace and poise of Lee Ryan, battered after a night at China Whites.
3. The Combat Crew
It's a devastating fact of modern life that boybands and girlbands don't commit to dressing The-Same-But-Slightly-Different with the same enthusiasm as their early noughties counterparts. Imagine Little Mix kicking their individual 'looks' to the kerb to all don a matching pair of see-through combat trousers with white pants underneath? Never going to happen. Devastating.
4. More Noughties than Noughties
Two tone hair! Belts with holes in! White trousers! Burn it. Burn it with fire.
5. Baker Boy Blues
Steph from Hollyoaks had a great selection of baker boy flat caps. She had a pink one and a white one. A couple of sick fucks have been trying to bring baker boy caps back recently. It's important to remember that these people are wrong and possibly unhinged.
6. Love Machine
10/10 did wear each and every one of these dresses to Year 10 discos.
7. The cracks begin to show
Once the girls refused to dress like each other anymore the band was on a fast train to solo-career ville. For our purposes here, this was a good thing because it means that this picture holds your whole 2004 wardrobe in one; gypsy blouses, massive belts, halter necks with inexplicable neck tie things, jeans-and-a-nice-top and Kimberley's tiny fucking bag that could hold your Nokia 3310, your Lancome Juicy Tube and nothing else.
'What are you wearing tonight Karen?'
'Oh, just jeans and a nice top.'
Karen wants a VW Beetle convertible with a flower in the cup holder. Karen is going to drink pink cocktails all night. Karen refers to her boyfriend as her 'hubby'. Karen is just the worst.
9. The silky cami
A super great way to bridge the too vast gap between 'clothing' and 'lingerie' and for letting the rest of Year 10 know that you're probably up for going to second base but not any further ok thanks because my dad's coming to pick me up at 10.
10 . Honey blonde highlights
Hairdresser: 'What can I do for you?'
You: 'Give me that "I tried to do my highlights at home with a paint roller and a jar of peanut butter" look.'
Hairdress: 'Say no more.'
11. Cowboy boots
A natural but unfortunate progression from Steps and 5,6,7,8.
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