Jess Commons | Deputy Editor | Thursday, 30 April 2015

That Time You Thought You Were ‘Vintage’ And Other Questionable Clothing Phases You Went Through

Fashion Stages We'd All Rather Forget (Yep, We're Talking Punkyfish)

The Debrief: See also that time you tried to reinvent yourself a 'the cool girl'

Fashion eh, it’s a funny old thing isn’t it? Even if you’re pretty vanilla with your sartorial choices you've definitely bought into a questionable trend badly at some point. Here's some phases you've almost definitely been through in your life.

Vintage

Whether it was those 80’s flowery dreses with the granny cardigans or the fifties flared skirts with drooping victory rolls, vintage is not a trend to be half arsed with. The girls that go all out look fantastic, you on the other hand looked more like you’d closed your eyes, taken your clothes off, covered yourself in Pritstick and run hell for leather through your local Marie Curie Cancer Care charity shop.

Fast fashion

In theory a good idea. Loads of clothes very little money? What's not to like. Apart from the questionable circumstances said clothes were made under of course. What it took a several years to realise though was that while you'd bought LOADS, you weren't really wearing any of the clothes on account of them looking, as your mum put it, 'a bit cheap' and that your fast fashion habit was bascially akin to you printing your bank details off and scattering them over the streets of London on the last day before payday.

The high school one

Townie, skater, goth... Again, fine trends to follow if you went all out. Not OK though were the girls (me) who bought one pair of Punkyfish trousers and continued to wear princessy make-up and low-cut tops. It was like the clothing equivalent of ordering a korma like, you want to get into Indian food but GODDAMNIT YOU WILL NOT BE STEPPING OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE TO DO IT.

Work grown up

Lasted about two weeks this one. Started when you got your first proper job and ended when you realised you could get away without dressing like you’d just walked off the set of The Good Wife. Which was great to find out in terms of how much effort you’d have to make ironing shit every morning but terrible to find out in terms of how much damn money you’d spend on your knock-off Dororthy Perkins Roland Mouret galaxy dresses.

The reinvention

Whether it was to prove to an errant boyfriends that you were SO DAMN OVER HIM or it was a new year new you whim, the reinvention to cool chick/grown up lady is an excellent idea in theory (wash that man right out of your hair etc) but putting it into practise? More tricky. Largely because you can't really afford a whole new wardrobe and so you end up wearing your old wardrobe in weird ways and looking like someone who vaguely had an idea, got bored halfway through, and decided to go to the pub. That'll show him.

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

FCUK Tees And Adidas Poppers: Shit We Wore That Now Makes Us Cringe

Five Things We're Reminiscing About Thanks To The Super Nostalgic Burberry Show

Stuff You Used To Do At School Because You Thought You Were Cool

Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

Tags: List LOLS, Nostalgia