Jess Commons | Deputy Editor | Thursday, 3 December 2015

 All The Very Worst Jewellery You\\\'ve Worn Throughout Your Life

All The Very Worst Jewellery You've Worn Throughout Your Life

The Debrief: From the Playboy bunny charm to the upper arm bangle, your jewellery history is a right nightmare

We weren’t always the cool Scandi-jewellery wearing ladies that you see before you today.

The Silver Hoops

And not in a kitsch way, or an ironically trashy way. No, the big silver hoop was you paying homage to the fashion stylings of Jennifer Lopez, Ashanti and other R&B stars you spent the early noughties idolising. Silver hoops were a really good way to let people know that you weren’t for messing with and went excellently with the two slicked down strands of hair that escaped your gelled ponytail and stuck themselves to your forehead.

The Upper Arm Bangle

Think Sienna Miller in 2005. This went really well with your Free People-esque traveller chic look that you wore on holiday to Zante. Oh –and that one time it was hot in July for a weekend. ‘Hippie chic’, we called it.

The Playboy Trinket

Mine was a necklace (and shoes and a T-shirt), others had earrings, bracelets and belts bearing that cocky little bunny rabbit that essentially stood for the ethos that girls should be seen, wearing as little as possible, and not heard. Way to go, ladies. We actually trolled ourselves with this one.

A Charm Bracelet

Did you have the dangly kind or the beaded kind? Either way, congrats on being able to express your unique teenage personality through the medium of charms in the shape of a bow and a horse.

The Diamante Thing

Mine? Mine was a silver ‘J’ encrusted with diamantes or rhinestones or whatever they were. Yours might have been a REALLY REALLY sparkly ring, or perhaps a bracelet that looked, on first glace, as if you’d lifted it right off the wrist of a Russian heiress. Whatever your cheap diamante jewellery piece was, chances are it started to look real shabby after it started shedding rhinestones faster than you could say ‘bling’.

The Carrie Neckace

The older I get the more stuff I find I have to add to my ‘Things Carrie Bradshaw needs to answer for’ list. Yes, it is a real list, and yes I do intend to hand it to Michael Patrick King at the (inevitable) premiere of Sex And The City 3: The Movie. On Ice.

The Carrie necklace, with its iconic cursive and quirky vintage connotations makes it perhaps one of the most recognisable items of jewellery our generation has known. Mine wasn’t gold. It was silver-ish and left a green mark on my chest. Also, shoutout to all the poor girls whose parents gave them ‘interesting’ names – how the hell were they meant to join in the fun?

The ‘Tiffany’ Dog Collar

Or, you know, the knock-off version you got from Claire’s Accessories.

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

In Defense Of Wearing Black All Day, Every Day

The Great Saga That Is Purchasing Your Winter Coat

The Trouble With Trying To Dress All ’70s

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