Jess Commons | Deputy Editor | Wednesday, 29 July 2015

All The Very Worst Belts From Your Youth

All The Very Worst Belts From Your Youth

The Debrief: Featuring the coin belt, which was almost entirely Sienna Miller's fault

Trends come and go but every fashion season for the past million years has featured some sort of belt. Here's the very worst belts that have blighted your sartorial past.

The coin belt

coin belt

This is almost entirely the fault of one Sienna Miller who, if you’ll remember, single handedly started the ‘gypsy’ trend in the summer of 2004. Long skirts, slouchy boots and long flowing beach waves were all well and good but they were offset by the giant slab of leather you almost certainly slung round your waist that bore no actual function save pulling your skirt down and causing you to walk a little slower. Where were the coins on it even from? Who needed that much belt? Just be glad you weren’t ever in a situation you needed to get out of really quickly, attempting to move fast in something that cumbersome would have been entirely futile.

The waist cincher

waist belt

I mean this belt is still fine to an extent depending on what you’re wearing but when this belt was stretchy, had a butterfly clasp and you wore it over the vest top that topped off your leggings and denim skirt combo then trust us on this, it was an awful, awful belt. In fact, I’m pretty sure it actually created lumps on my skinny teenage frame, which, thanks to a healthy dose of teenage angst and a metabolism the speed of Usain Bolt, was really an impressive feat.

The studded one

studded belt

From that time you had an emo phase. You wore it with Punkyfish trousers and a world weary scowl. You were probably doing something very silly with your hair too. Like straightening the fringe and messing the rest of it up in a protest to your mum who was like, so lame she wouldn’t even let you get your lip pierced at age 13. Fuck you mum, fuck the system.

The canvas one with the stupid metal clasp

canvas belt

Probably in rainbow, or pink. Because teenage you has an extremely limited grasp on what colours were 'cool'. Worn with Moto’s light blue, bootcut jeans and pulled just tight enough to create a muffin top. A slightly too short top that exposed your belly ring was the final touch.

The leather hipster one

hip belt

Think Christina Aguillera in Dirrrrrty, a video that in hindsight that was far too filthy to be shown on normal telly at a normal time. This belt again provided no function, seeing as it went OVER the top of your absurdly low hipster jeans and the end was left artfully dangling down from the massive fuck off belt buckle that probably had turquoise stones on it.

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

 10 Reasons Shopping With Mates Sucks And You Should Go Alone

Why I'll Never Be 'Into Fashion'

The 'Between Your Flat And Your Boyfriend's Flat' Kit

Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

Tags: List LOLS, Nostalgia