Tinder Is Dead: How Has The Dating App Gone From Hero To Zero In Just Six Months?
The Debrief: I remember the glory days (in February) when Tinder was full of hot guys looking to go on actual dates. Now all that's left are the trolls, weirdos, and the guys who can't actually remember that they've already been on a date with you...
Illustration by Assa Ariyoshi
Oh, Tinder. When you launched last year, you were the most exciting thing to ever happen to my phone (so many boys! Who wanted to go on actual dates!); dangerous (accidentally meeting up with a serial killer is a thing that could maybe happen) and horribly, horribly addictive.
I met up with a few boys, but I wasn’t an addict (which is exactly what an addict would say). But in the end, I had to quit because it was really, really starting to mess with my head. The obsessing over a guy who was really fit but wouldn’t message me first. The disappearing acts. The feeling that I wasn’t pretty or thin enough – all of that.
So I said goodbye to it and that was that. My last date was in March, maybe – I never went on one again. In Tinder terms, that’s a life time. I went back to real boys and that was way, way better. Until I was 100 per cent single and bored and had a relapse. Would it be THAT bad to log in, just for a bit? After all, I might meet The One. I’ll just go on for a bit…
But in turns out that in the last few months, Tinder has CHANGED, guys. Here’s why you need to delete that shit from your phone right this second.
Tinder is full of trolls
I was on my lunch break one day when I noticed that I had a new message. ‘Oooh,’ I thought. ‘I wonder who this could be?’ Why, it was only a complete random sending me a message that said: ‘Sorry, I should have swiped right. I’d rather finish on my dead dog’s grave than wake up next to you.’
This is a real message that I actually received from a guy with his top off called Martyn whom I had obviously swiped yes to when I was drunk. Yo, Martyn – you’re a douche. And I’m still cringing at the fact that your bio claimed you were a ‘romantic’. What an epic, epic loser.
There are guys on Tinder who have been on so many dates that they are now unwittingly recycling the same girls
I thought it was sort of weird when the first guy I’d ever gone on a date with started messaging me again out of nowhere, but I had a bit of a flirt with him, because I was super bored. Our date had been particularly rubbish (soz, mate) and had involved me getting drunk and then dragging us to Nando’s. We had a cold, totally nothingy kiss and never spoke again. UNTIL THE RELAPSE.
When he asked me on a date again, I cut the crap and asked why on EARTH he wanted to go out again, when we’d had zero chemistry the first time. It turned out that he’d been on so many dates and banged so many girls from Tinder that he was unable to put two and two together and connect our crappy date to my photos. He’d forgotten that we’d already met! I called him out on it, completely outraged. He then blamed ME ‘for looking really different in real life than in your Tinder pics.’ AGAIN, MASSIVE CRINGE.
There are no hot guys left on Tinder. Seriously.
I don’t think many people use the app any more – I browsed incessantly for a few days and collected maybe three cute guys the whole time. Tinder is definitely NOT what it used to be back in the days of, er, February.
Nobody says "hi" anymore
Seriously. Hardly anybody was up for conversation. I’d get the odd match, but they’d sit there in my inbox with one of Tinder’s quirky conversation starters (you know, ‘Why don’t you go first? Maybe they’re shy’ or something else lame) staring me in the face. You really have to chase guys now. And nobody wants to be doing all of the chasing ALL OF THE TIME.
So between getting blanked by random guys/abused by trolls and losers, I was left with a horrible, empty feeling. In the space of just six months, it’s gone from a fun game/guaranteed confidence boost/actual great way to meet someone to a form of self-imposed emotional torture.
And yes, the one guy I really liked from dates months ago is still logging in and still ignoring me. Yep, definitely time to delete. FOREVER.
Follow Rosie on Twitter @RGIZZA
Liked this? You might also be interested in:
At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating