Polly Bartlett | Contributing Writer | Monday, 28 November 2016

This Sex Toy Tells You How Many Calories You\'re Burning During Sex. Ruining Sex For Us Forever

This Sex Toy Tells You How Many Calories You're Burning During Sex. Ruining Sex For Us Forever

The Debrief: Who really wants to start calorie counting when they're shagging?

As a society we are data-obsessed, engrossed in our phones and constantly searching for the next app to improve our already app-saturated lives, so much that not even shagging is sacred anymore. Yes, there is now a sex toy with built-in technology that provides you with data via a mobile app, allowing you to analyse your sex habits. 

OK, so that might have been a bit reductive. 'Lovely' (a name as misleadingly innocent as the aubergine emoji), is a stretchy silicone toy that wraps around the base of the penis, slows down blood circulation for a 'longer, more enhanced erection' and vibrates to stimulate the clitoris, claiming to make it easier to orgasm.  Basically it's a glorified cock ring but the most hi-tech model - the iPhone 7 of the sex toy world, if you will.

What about the app then? Thanks to the in-built sensors in 'Lovely' (still feels kind of wrong every time we call it that), the synced 'Lovely App' on your phone knows which positions you like best, and suggests tips to spice them up a bit, as well as some good old-fashioned kama sutra-style suggestions for stuff you might not have tried. It does feel a little like a creepy voyeur who's been studying your bedroom repertoire, but perhaps we'd all appreciate some handy hints.

But there's more. For every time you bonk, the app displays data on how long your session was, as well as how many 'sexy calories' you burned. We're all for advocating a healthy lifestyle, but there's something about struggling through the reverse cowgirl thigh burn to work off that lunchtime cake that takes the fun out of it, right?

If the idea of collating your sexy data turns you on (pun intended), you can pre-order Lovely from their website now.

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Follow Polly on Twitter: @PollyVBartlettHow