The Finger Up The Bum Trick - Sex Urban Legend Or Legendary Sex Move?
The Debrief: That ‘digit up his doody-hole’ trick that’s supposed to make men cum like water cannons in nanoseconds – is it legit or a loada shit?
Way, way back, deep in the musty mists of time, when the appendix still had a useful purpose and the respective members of The Backstreet Boys and Boyzone could legitimately be classed as boys, a legend was born: it prophesised that if a woman were to poke her finger up a man’s bottom as he was approaching climax, he’d jizz faster than Twista can rap and cum harder than an unripe avocado.
But is there any real truth in this famous trick? Does sticking a digit up your man’s Dookie Howser hole genuinely feel fantastic for him? Is this the real life? Is this just fant-ass-y? Caught in his brown eye, no escape from proctology…
'It absolutely does feel amazing, and I’d recommend that everyone try it at least once,' says Andy, author of Ruffled Sheets, a sex blog written from a male point of view. 'There are very sound biological reasons why it feels so brilliant, too. For a start, there are tonnes of tingly nerve-endings collected around the rectal area, which can produce glorious pleasurable sensations when stimulated; plus, if a girl slides her finger in far enough – about 2 or 3 inches up her bloke’s anal passage – she’ll find his prostate, a gland that produces about 30% of the volume of liquid that makes up semen. Pressing or lightly massaging the prostate feels incredible, and can make a guy’s orgasm a tonne more intense.'
So, the FUB (Finger Up Botty) manoeuvre does have the potential to work, because: SCIENCE. A quick straw poll amongst my pals reveals a lot of FUB fans, too. 'Oh heck yes, it’s out of this world – I’m definitely up for my girlfriend being a trooper and popping a finger up my pooper,' says Mark, 25, a photographer. Anna, a 26-year-old buyer for a footwear firm, recalls: 'I had an ex who was massively into me fingering his butthole – not only just before he was about to spunk, but also at intervals while I was giving him head and during intercourse.'
However, even though their physicality probably means they would enjoy having their Mr Rectum-nus tickled, not all gents are keen to allow their lover’s hands explore their back doors. 'Another ex partner was hugely keen on anal sex and playing with my caboose, but every time I suggested he might enjoy me putting something in his bum, he’d freak out,' continues Anna. “'I think he was worried I’d get crap on my skin and that it’d be mortifying, or maybe he fretted that it might hurt.'
Heather, 21, a student, has a different theory as to why some blokes are adamant that their colon should be a finger-free zone: 'The FUB move can make dudes cum like the clappers, and it’s a great way to speed things up if your jaw is aching while you’re giving a blow job, but unfortunately, even though it’s 2015, some fellas have a huge, homophobic, it’ll-make-me-gay panic if you get near their rear, which is depressing and disappointing all round.'
If you want to give the FUB a whirl, but you and/or your lover are a bit nervous, the following tips should help you feel more clued-up and chilled-out about acting like you’re Hans Brinker and your bloke’s sphincter is a hole in a Dutch dike.
- Get him to give it a go himself, in private, first – Encourage your chap to experiment by fingering his own asshole while he’s alone, while showering if he’s concerned about making a mess. His trepidation will ease once he realises that it’s not painful, and not particularly poo-ey, either, so long as you…
- Make sure he doesn’t need a shit before you attempt a FUB session. 'Even if you know your lover likes FUB, you’ve discussed it beforehand or he’s reacted positively in the past, it’s important to ask if he’s up for it each time you’re playing too, to avoid the embarrassment of accidentally poking poop,' says Adam, a 24-year-old IT specialist. Try circling your finger around his hole, and seeing if he subtly wriggles away. If not, slowly push on, or maybe ask 'Can I take my finger further tonight, or would you prefer it if I just kept touching you here, on the outside?’
- Thou shalt trim thy nails – Ain’t nobody got time to have their anus torn by a talon. Fuck no.
- Thou shalt use lube – Slick, slippery sliding = a chuff load nicer than dry dragging. 'I find you’re much less likely to end up with a finger that looks like it’s been fake-tanned by faeces if you use lubricant, too,' says Anna. I rate Durex Real Feel, which is silicone-based so it lasts for longer, even in the shower.
- Consider capping your finger with a condom – Placing a barrier between your skin and his poop chute helps to remove any icky, squicky, argh-what-if-I-get-shit-on-me fears for both of you. Simply whip the condom off afterwards and bin it. A great way to safely use up old rubbers that have passed their expiration date, too!
- Try curling your finger towards the front of his body and stroking him inside by gently moving it in a beckoning, ‘come hither’ motion. It’ll feel sublime against his prostate, and make him spaff like his peen is a bottle of coke and you’ve just fired a whole packet of Mentos down his pee pipe.
- Try a toy – If you’d rather not let your finger linger in your man’s bumhole, invest in a small beginner’s butt plug like this - - a mini probe or a short string of small anal beads, like this - . You can cover toys with a condom for hygiene, too. 'I love anal beads, especially if my girlfriend smoothly pulls them out of me right as I’m cumming…. ahhhhh, it sends me bonkers!; says Adam. This probe also has a vibrating option.
- If your finger’s been up his toosh, don’t put it near your foof – Do not touch your pussy with a post-stink-eye digit or you’ll risk passing germs from the anus to the vagina, which can lead to a urinary infection. And getting cystitis would really be a bummer.
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