The Best Sex Toys For Couples
The Debrief: Frot yourselves silly for minimum effort
Back in the day, couples who wanted a bit of extra sex fun either had to introduce a third person or hand-carve their own dildos. These days a whole bunch of people have done the hard work for you, so you and your other half can simply frot yourselves silly for minimum effort.
We Vibe 4 Plus
Last year the couples' toy that literally everyone (well, everyone who had heard of it, at any rate) was talking about was the We Vibe 4 Plus. When it came to market, a whole bunch of sex toy retailers went delirious for it, because it combines interesting sexy vibrations with that most modern of miracles: a phone app.
Phone apps and sex toys are good, because we all remember the days when 'remote control' for sex toys basically meant 'is attached to a plastic box with a really irritating wire.' That clumsy wire not only got in the way when you were changing position, it also occasionally snapped because sex toys were cheap and cheerful back then.
Nowadays, toys like the WeVibe 4 Plus come with apps that you can use to control things like speed of vibration, pulse, and all that fun stuff. The toy itself is shaped a bit like a squished letter 'C', with one end designed to go inside a vagina, and the other end curling round to hug the clit. During penetrative sex, the vibrations should stimulate both of you, like a balanced episode of Game of Thrones which has as many man0bums as it does tits. If you're not into penetrative sex, or you're just far too knackered to get into position, you can always 'go for a lie down' while your partner controls you from the phone app in another room of the house.
Cost: around £120.
Pulse II Duo
I have the first generation of the Pulse and I can tell you that it looks incredibly cool sitting on your mantelpiece – like a candlestick holder made by Batman himself.
Here's the deal: the original Pulse was designed as a solo use 'guybrator.' It has a unique oscillating pulse-plate on the inside of the toy, so when you pop your cock in, the plate sits just against the most sensitive bit of the head. The bit that in school we used to call the 'banjo string' but now that I'm a grown up I have to call a 'frenulum.' Obviously I have never experienced this, because I have no cock, but a guy who reviewed it for my blog said it made him 'harder than he'd been in weeks.'
But what about people like me who, despite a lack of cock, want to frot themselves against a black silicon Batman candle holder? Don't worry, that's what the Pulse II Duo is for. In addition to the pulse plate that stimulates the person on the inside, this also has a vibrating plate on the outside, so instead of just watching someone you love spaff alone in a corner, you get to join in. You can use it in a variety of different sex positions, but essentially it involves placing the toy on someone's cock, positioning yourself against the outside so you can feel the rumbles too, then frotting away like a pair of excited Bonobos.
Cost: Around £90
Confession: I haven't actually tried this, but I'm putting it on the list anyway because I am a massive fan of pegging (shagging a guy up the arse). In the long history of pegging, there have been numerous attempts to create a strap on that provides as much pleasure for the pegger as the peggee. In my time I've tried a fair few of these, from the first generation Feeldoe (a strapless strap on with a kind of bulbous bit you hold inside your vagina) to a simple harness with a vibe hidden somewhere in the gusset. None of these ever live up to expectations but, like Sisyphus who was doomed to repeatedly push a rock up a mountain for eternity, so I am doomed to shag guys with strapless strapons until the Gods tell me I can stop.
The ShareVibe is the latest innovation in strapless strap-ons, and the idea of it seems to be that the internal stick is curved so dramatically that it'll help hold itself inside, by putting pressure on your G-spot while you're shagging away. Does it work? I don't know. But it's just been nominated one of the 'best new couples toys' in the Erotic Trade Awards, so clearly it works for someone. Once more into the breach...
Cost: around £100
If you read the pegging bit above and thought 'hmm, that's probably a bit much for me' then please do skip over this section. If you're already strapped in and wondering just what darker thrills there are, then allow me to introduce you to ElectraStim – toys which incorporate electrodes to send electrical signals to and through your body.
Obviously there are various safety issues you need to consider here: you don't just buy one, shout 'CLEAR!' then press it to your partner's chest. What you can do, though, is get an insertable ElectraStim buttplug and watch his twitching, horny, confused face as you twiddle the dial. You can buy various different packs and attachments – from stimulators you hold in your hand to ones you insert into things or wrap around other things. Hours, days, weeks of fun – just make sure you read the instruction manual carefully.
Cost: Anywhere from £120 up to £400 or so, depending on the package.
No, I promise this is not just a cushion. Liberator produces a whole range of firm yet comfy positioning products – wedges and ramps and curvy things. They look like they'd be at home in an exercise studio, for people who want a head start with their sit ups, but the reality is far more fun. Ever felt like you'd enjoy doggy more if you had a slightly different angle? Want to shag in a particular way but end up getting cramp? Or are you just not as mobile or flexible as you'd like to be? That's what Liberator is for. They're also incredibly handy if you or your partner has mobility issues, because you don't need to be that bearded guy out of the Kama Sutra in order to have awesome sex.
Cost: From £40 for small bits up to over £300 for furniture-sized pieces.
Vibrating cock rings
I'm going to sit on the fence here and avoid recommending a specific cock ring because, well, I have literally never found one that doesn't work for me. There: I said it. There are a whole bunch of different options, and I know they come in different girths, materials, strengths of vibration, etc, but ultimately any vibrating cock ring is going to be the cherry on the top of a really good sex cake.
They fit round the base of his cock, and they rub against my clit when we have the slow, grinding sex that works best with them: what's not to like? I could fork out nearly £90 for a Lelo Pino and get a smooth, silicone one, or I could fork out ten or twenty quid for something that does basically the same thing. Sure, some materials are a bit rubbish (avoid that weird sticky jelly stuff if you can), and some vibrating bits are stronger than others, but ultimately if you like penetration and you also like clitoral stimulation, you'll be too busy having an orgasm to care about the brand name.
Cost: £10 and upwards.
I've deliberately left that last one open for those of you who've blown through your wages already. Here's the deal: good couples sex toys are usually pretty expensive, because it takes twice as much research and development to make something that works for two people as opposed to just one. It's not ideal, but think of it as your first ever investment together – far cheaper than a joint mortgage, and nothing says 'commitment' like paying nearly £200 for something you'll both smear your juices on.
Failing that, you could always put it on your wedding gift list.
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