How To Use Couples Sex Toys
The Debrief: Our Ultimate Guide to Introducing Toys To The Bedroom
All hail the 21st century – when companies decided that sex toys were no longer for purely solo use and started inventing all kinds of new and interesting things for us to use together.
Of course, pretty much any toy can be used as a couples' sex toy: if you're feeling knackered one night and you can't be bothered with so much as a lazy hand job, there's nothing to stop you telling your other half that you fancy a private show. What's more, using the standard bullet vibes during sex (clitoral stimulation combined with penetration? Yes please with cherry-scented lube on top) or slipping in a butt plug for that extra-full sensation can be the perfect end to a stressful day. When I first started buying sex toys, the closest you could get to a couple's sex toy was a dildo my guy could wield on me like a silicon lightsabre. But although we've been using sex toys together since the dawn of toys themselves there are now plenty of toys that have been specifically designed to stimulate two of you.
The 'in and outs'
These are toys that are designed to slide in the vagina and also provide some external clitoral stimulation. The We Vibe 4 Plus is the classic (and probably one of the most popular) examples of this, but other kinds are available such as the remote-controlled Lelo Tiani (or the more budget Lelo Noa).
Like a corkscrew that also has a bottle opener, these toys are trying to do as many things as possible without taking up too much room. You slip it inside your vagina, and it gives you all the sexy tingles, (either internally, externally, or both) while also leaving space for a penis.
As with any internal toy, you're going to want to use this either with lube, or once you're already fired up and gushing like the bathroom faucet. When you're ready, slip it inside: it's usually easiest to get it in before any penetrative sex happens rather than the other way round – that way you can position it perfectly and you also don't accidentally jab your partner in the shaft on the way in.
You can use them together, during penetrative sex (or fingering, which happens to be one of the most underrated sex moves in my opinion). If you're prone to quite vigorous shagging, you may need to slow down the tempo a bit, at least in the beginning, to make sure that it doesn't slip out. Most of these toys are nicely curved, and they'll gently 'grip' onto you, but depending on the shape and angle of your vag, if there's a tendency towards slippage you can always rest a hand on the outside to keep it in just the right spot.
Some can also be used when you're not together, as long as you have a phone connection. The WeVibe 4 Plus comes with a phone app, so one of you can slip the toy in, and the other can control the vibrations: it can be gently teasing or total torture, depending on what floats your boat.
Benefits? While they're growing in popularity these things are yet to be considered a 'standard' toy to have in your bedside kit. So if you get on it you can be one of the cool kids who was shagging with this before everyone joined in.
Down sides? Some people find they can't – ahem – accommodate a toy along with other things in their vagina. Like penises, vaginas come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and you've got to go with what you're comfortable with. If you're unsure, test before you buy one by experimenting with a cheeky finger or two – and lube up like there's no tomorrow.
The 'vibrates for both of you'
Yes, I am making up these categories – as far as I know there's not yet a couples' sex toy categorisation system. But you'll get what I mean when I tell you this category includes vibrating masturbators. Basically it's 'things which both of you rub yourselves against for maximum hotness.'
Here you're again going to want lube, but don't go overboard: things that go round the cock can get slippery and tricky to put on. It's like trying to get the lid back on the olive oil when you've spilt it all over yourself. (Protip: don't use olive oil as lube – it can damage condoms and some toys, and will leave you smelling like foccacia)
The Pulse Duo is a good example of one of these toys: originally designed as a masturbator to curve round the penis and vibrate the frenulum with a nifty 'pulse plate', the company that makes them has now come out with a couple's version. One person wears the Pulse around their cock, and the other person gets to rub up against the outside, where another pulse plate is waiting for your pleasure. This is especially handy if you're not massively into train-in-tunnel sex, or you just fancy something different.
A similar trick can be achieved with vibrating cock rings, although if your partner's anything like mine you're best off getting one with vibrating bullets attached to two sides of the ring: the 'should it tickle my clit or his balls?' argument is as common in my house as the fight over whose turn it is to do the laundry.
Benefits? Personally I enjoy the nostalgic element that comes with a toy that's designed to include some frotting. As a grown-up, I focus far too much on the ins-and-outs, as it were, and having something that's designed just to rub up against makes a nice change of pace.
Down sides? Not all kinds of vibration work for everyone, so if both of you need different kinds of vibration, or levels of power, you might find that what's a hit for one of you is a miss for the other.
Remote control couples toys
These can be incredibly fun, and how you use them is going to depend on your level of adventurousness. Back in the early noughties (I know, I am old, please don't tell anyone), 'remote control' vibrators had wires attached from a battery pack to the toy itself, meaning that any play had to be done in the same room, and while vaguely tangled in plastic wire. Nowadays, genuinely remote-controlled vibrators mean you can use them further afield. Toys like the WeVibe and the Lelo Tiani can be used remotely too, although the external element may make it harder to use in public – especially if you're wearing tight jeans.
A while ago on my own blog a lady reviewed the Bluemotion Nex 1 knicker vibrator for me: taking it on a date with a gent she knew, she slipped the little blue vibe in her knickers, and handed him her phone so he could control the app while they ate lunch. Not much lunch got eaten, but neither were many orgasms had: in fact, the vibe was more like the most intriguing, torturous, keeps-you-on-edge punishment. Needless to say she loved it.
Benefits? A whole world of possibility: think of the most boring date you've ever been on, and imagine how much more fun it would have been if you could shiver with pleasure at the touch of a button.
Down sides? Depending on your sensitivity, it could have you actually pulling a 'When Harry Met Sally' in the middle of a busy restaurant.
Enough ideas? I hope this has given you a bit of guidance if you fancy starting on some couples' sex toys. If you're still not sure about the specific ones, remember that literally any sex toy you own can be a couples' sex toy. While there are some amazing things that have been designed for dual use, if it gets you off then your partner can use it on you too. This advice comes straight from my heart, in recognition of the number of horny nights I have spent either masturbating my partner to a jizz-spurting climax with a masturbation sheath, or encouraging him to hold a vibrating wand over my trousers until I make the happy noises. After all, toys are made for sharing, right?
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