Girl On The Net | Contributing Writer | Thursday, 19 February 2015

How To Go From A Big Dick To A Small Dick

The Debrief: Do you (gulp) ever shrink back down?

Picture: Lauren Hillebrandt

When I first started shagging I genuinely believed that my vag would mould into the shape of his cock. Stop laughing at the back. During the first few months of that blissful introductory sex that you have when you first discover it, I pestered my boyfriend for everything from new positions to sex once an hour, until he suggested in an exhausted voice that we let his flaccid, knackered cock have a rest for a while. As I got more used to shagging, and found it easier to work out what did and didn't feel good, I came to the eventual conclusion that we'd created a neat 'fit'. That my hole had shaped nicely to match his peg, and so our compatibility was pretty spot on.

To be fair, I also used to believe in homeopathy – we can't all be perfect when we're young.

It took a while for me to shake off this weird belief. When I went to have sex with the next guy, his cock was roughly the same size and shape as my boyfriend's. So, safe in the idea that my vagina was roughly the right 'fit' for what I assumed was an average-sized cock, I went happily out into the world... and ran crotch-first into a guy with a dick the width of a Coke can.

I had to reassess my assumptions.

Truth is, you don't grow or shrink to fit the person you're with. The human vagina is a pretty impressive thing – it stretches and expands just like a cock does, and then shrinks back again when you're no longer aroused, because no one could get through the day with a permanent wide-on. So that thing you heard at school about so-and-so having a 'bucket' because she'd slept with loads of dudes? It's arse. Justin Hancock, an impressively no-nonsense sex educator, explains it like this: 'Because of the other thing that can happen in the vagina (hello, birth) vaginas are very very stretchy indeed, particularly around the cervix... The width and length of the vagina is different for many people (just as penis size varies a lot) but the vagina doesn’t get bigger because of someone having had sex with someone with a bigger penis (even child birth isn’t thought to affect the size of a vagina). There’s also loads of strong muscles surrounding the vagina (called pelvic floor muscles or kegels).'

READ MORE: Meet The Man Who's Become An Advocate For Tiny Penised Men Everywhere 

So this guy with a cock you could barely make a fist around - he stretched me up and made me feel full, but as I waved goodbye to him in the morning I'd probably already shrunk back down to my normal size. Nowadays I picture my vagina more like a pair of jeans – they stretch when you're wearing them but shrink back after washing so you still have to do that special jeans-dance to squeeze yourself back into them.

Flash forward to a few years later, and I hopped into bed with a guy who can more safely be described as 'small.' I don't really want to give a specific size, because small is in the eye of the beholder. After Coke-can man even porn stars look tiny, but Ant Smith – the guy throwing the UK's first 'small penis party' – measures up at about 4 inches erect, so let's go with that as a guide.

It'd be disingenuous of me to say that it's no different. Apart from anything else, almost everyone's cock feels different when it's inside you - whether it's size, shape, curve or whatever. Over the years I've known guys who bend to the left and right, guys who have cocks both large and small, and one whose dick was an almost conical shape – really slim head growing wider at the base. So yeah, smaller cocks do feel different. There's less of a stretch, you don't feel as full, and you often miss out on some of the cervix-bashing that you get with large dicks in certain positions.

But the problems it comes with are usually not the ones that guys worry about. When I've had a pissed tumble or two with a couple of smaller guys, the main thing that worried me was whether the condom would slip off (it didn't, although if someone's really small you can buy condoms with a slimmer fit just in case). The biggest down-side of all though, in my opinion, is the insecurity that comes with a smaller dick.

My heart genuinely does go out to dudes who are tiny, and who are shamed for a part of their body that should be celebrated.

It's more than possible to pleasure someone if you have a small cock, as evidenced by the fact that countless thousands of people have satisfying sexual relationships without packing a package you could use to club a seal to death. If you can be satisfied by fingering, oral, and other such delights, you can obviously also be satisfied with a partner who isn't well-hung.

My heart genuinely does go out to dudes who are tiny, and who are shamed for a part of their body that should be celebrated. At the same time, though, there's nothing less horny than someone who insists on apologising for themselves while you're in the process of trying to appreciate them. Someone who, after sex, asks you 'was that OK?' in a tentative voice or insists on engaging in pillow talk about how much bigger your previous partners were, seeking repetitive reassurance that they measure up in the pleasure stakes. So yeah – if you've just hooked up with a guy who's on the small side, in my opinion the two greatest hurdles are the condoms and the insecurity.

I've shagged small guys who've been confident, and small guys who've been insecure, and there's no prize for guessing which ones were more fun. But while I can understand the sentiment, 'just get over it' is never going to cut it if everything he sees and hears reinforces the idea that he's inadequate and small. You can't just say 'hey baby, although society has told you for years that your less-than-five-inch penis is totally inadequate, I'm going to demand that you pretend it doesn't bother you because otherwise you'll kill my sex buzz.' So my personal preference is to just not mention it, and instead focus on telling him exactly what I love. After all, if I'm in bed with him, there's usually a reason: from skilled sexy hands to a filthy-hot dominant attitude or a way with words that makes my knickers melt. Reassuring someone that 'I fancy you even though your dick's small' is probably going to be less effective than just telling them what you find hot.

READ MORE: Apparently There's No Such Thing As The Perfect Penis Size

There are physical things you can do too, of course – from cock sheaths that wrap around him to give him more girth and length to toys you can use together to take the focus away from straightforward 'train goes in tunnel, train jizzes in tunnel, you both fall asleep at the end' sex. There are positions (I think doggy is quite a good one, or missionary where I lie on my back with my ankles up near my head) that allow pretty deep penetration, and can maximise the sensation you'll get from a smaller cock. What's more, buttsex can be a whole lot more fun if you don't have to do that awkward 'slowly slowly slowly oh shit I think it's too big' thing at the beginning. I'd certainly never have managed it with Coke-can man.

But just as cocks come in all shapes and sizes, so do vaginas 

There's a bit of pressure when writing about dick size to end with a 'size doesn't matter' conclusion, and I'm not sure I can go that far. Size does matter, and it probably always will, because different people require different kinds of stimulation. Just as some won't be able to come without clitoral sensation, there'll be others who find that 'stretched' feeling is the only thing that does it for them. I used to think I was one of them. But just as cocks come in all shapes and sizes, so do vaginas (and arses, and hands, and mouths, and all the other things we fuck with). What might be just right for me might be far too big for you, and your preference may change over time, or if you meet a dude who presses your buttons in just the right way.

So what of Coke-can man? Well, he fucked off the morning after our shag, never to be seen again, except for one late-night stroll home when I thought I spotted him snogging someone at a bus stop. The sex I had with him was fairly perfunctory – that kind of exciting one-night stand you have at Uni that you think is amazing, but which turns out to be a pale shadow of the sex you could be having with someone else. What he had in dick size he lacked in enthusiasm, and he ended up shagging me in a bored, disinterested way, like he was putting up a shelf and he couldn't wait to finish. The first small-cocked guy I fucked was much better. Better in the same way that sweets are better than sprouts, or vodka is better than gruel. He was a stunning, hot, horny man. My vag didn't hug him as tightly as it'd hugged others, but his nonchalant confidence, sexy piercings, and fiercely vigorous humping had me clinging to him in the hope he'd never leave.

He did, of course – they usually do. But I consoled myself with the knowledge that the next guy would be along soon, and would probably fit just as well.

Liked this? You might also be interested in: 

Shock Horror! The Average Penis Size Might Be Smaller Than Men Have Claimed 

I Don't Have Penis Anxiety But According To Science I Should Have

Is Our Obsession With Big Dicks Just Body Shaming By Another Name?

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Picture: Lauren Hillebrandt

Tags: Sex, NSFW, Sex O\'Clock