Girl On The Net | Contributing Writer | Friday, 27 November 2015

missionary

Everything You Need To Know About The Missionary Position

The Debrief: All the benefits of the missionary position. Plus! Some fun missionary position facts!

It is impossible to talk about the missionary position without making reference to its reputation as something of a 'boring' sex thing. It's often seen as the best position in which to lie back and think of England – the mainstay of tired Victorian couples with no imagination to take things further. Let's face it, most of us probably lost our virginity in the missionary position because we were far too nervous to suggest anything else. To compound that, it is named after actual literal missionaries, who are not exactly known for rampant sexual experimentation. 

Well, please take all of those assumptions and hurl them out of the window along with your modest white nightie, because I am here to drag missionary into the limelight.

READ MORE: How to Have Sex

Benefits of the missionary position

It's one of the best sex positions for clitoral stimulation

The rubbing – oh the rubbing! While the temptation with missionary is often to go at it like hammer and tongs to make up for the otherwise 'boring' nature of the position, a bit of grinding means you can maximise one of the missionary position's greatest benefits: the fact that your partner's pubic area can rub directly onto your clit. If this doesn't work for you (and it may not – the location of the clit on the vulva can vary quite a lot depending on the individual) then I can strongly recommend having a go at using a vibrating cock ring. They work with strap-ons as well as the average penis, and come in a variety of different shapes and sizes. The first time I combined vibrating cock-ring with a grinding shag in the missionary position, I was so outraged that I'd never been taught this before that I nearly had to write to my MP. 

Incidentally, depending on your mobility missionary is also usually one of the best positions in which to use a vibrator (either you or your partner). If the person on top lifts up, or kneels instead of lies between your legs, then you have ample room to get a vibrator in there. Treat yourself. 

It can be quite romantic

I say 'can be' because personally I don't think there's anything romantic about the way I gurn when I'm humping, but still: if you're a 'smouldering looks during sex' kind of person then it's probably better than a Hallmark card. 

It is great if you're feeling lazy

Picture the scene: you've had a hard day and all you need to relieve the stress of your crap boss making you attend a three-hour meeting is to have a bloody lovely orgasm. Nature's stress relief. But at the same time your legs are tired and you can't be arsed to do anything other than lie in a heap on the bed. Missionary is here to save you. (Only if you're not in top, obviously, but if you're on top then hey! Great workout. Stick a post-shag picture of your glutes on Instagram). 

Missionary position hacks

Missionary position for anal

Did you know that you can do anal in the missionary position? ME NEITHER. It took me until I was at least 20 before I realised that you could combine loving looks deep into your partner's eyes with a vigorous and enthusiastic bumming. You (or they, depending on who's on the bottom) may need to lift and spread your legs a bit further than you normally would, but it's worth every single ounce of effort. 

Frotting (aka intercrural sex)

From the more adventurous to the slightly less penetrative, 'intercrural sex' is is a fancy way of saying that the knob doesn't actually have to go in. Whether you're on your period and worried about the resultant bloodbath, or you just don't fancy penetrative sex, friction can still be had via the application of judicious rubbing in all the right places. This is sometimes also called 'thigh humping', which sounds less sexy, but has much the same effect. 

Flail your legs (OK, not quite like that)

You know this already, I'm sure, but no missionary position guide would be complete without pointing out how flexible it can be. During intensive 'research' for this article (basically batting my eyelashes at my other half and insisting on a 'refresher course') I tested all the different positions that I do on a regular basis that essentially consist of 'slightly different missionary.' If this were Cosmo I'd give them all sparkly names, but I don't want to patronise you – all I'm going to say is that angling your legs (and hips) differently makes a whole world of difference in terms of sensation. Legs behind your head, legs wrapped around your partner, legs bent with feet flat against the kitchen floor – whatever floats your boat. 

If you're after extra elevation or support, whether it's for nailing the right angle or because one or both of you has issues with mobility, then grabbing a few cushions and arranging them under your bum or back can help you hit the spot. 

Missionary position history

Confession: this section's just an excuse to tell you some fun facts about the missionary position.

Some of the first recorded depictions of missionary position – along with other exciting sex positions - can be found on Greek pots. I am assuming those pots were for storing SAUCE. 

In the middle ages, the church used to teach people that all sex should happen in the missionary position, because they thought that semen always flowed downwards, and so missionary was the best position for conception. Naturally, because it's the church, there were also periods during which they declared any sex other than missionary 'a sin.' Thomas Aquinas, theologian and professional spoilsport, believed that sex other than in missionary was a crime against nature.

Somewhat bolstering its reputation as the 'safe option', missionary position is reported to be the safest sex position in the bedroom. By which they mean 'least likely to land one of you in the hospital.' If you do fancy taking a walk on the wild side, 'woman on top' is the most dangerous. 

If you're a fan of missionary, and you're still worried that this old classic isn't given enough love, then the best you can do is move house: according to a survey of UK sex position preferences, missionary is the most popular position in the North West and the South West. 

Like This? Then You May Also Be Interested In:

What's Wrong With Missionary?! In Defence of A Vanilla Sex Life

Period Sex: Yes or No?

The 69 Position: The Good, The Bad, And The Messy

Follow Girl On The Net on Twitter @GirlOnTheNet

Tags: Sex, Need To Know