Sophie Cullinane | Features Editor | Monday, 25 January 2016

What It’s Actually Llike To Go Out With Someone With A Tiny Dick

What It’s Actually Like To Go Out With Someone With A Tiny Dick

The Debrief: It’s not the size of the ship, but the motion in the ocean, right? RIGHT?

‘The first time I had sex with 'Tim' (for that is not his real name) I had to pretty much beg for it. We’d been snogging back at his house for the best part of three hours and I was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to actually take things further, so I whispered something subtle and elegant like 'fuck me' in his ear to move things along a bit swifter. When that didn’t illicit much of a response, I undid his flies, put my hand on his dick and things became suddenly, alarmingly clear. His penis must have taken about about three quarters of the palm of my hand - maximum - and was somewhere between two and three inches long. At first I thought he just wasn’t hard, but when he started to talk about finding a condom in his wallet - he’d brought his own - I realised that I was dealing with a really, really tiny penis.

Read More: Your Need To Know On Ben Wah Balls

‘No wonder Tim had been shy about showing me his dick; in a porn obsessed society we’re not exactly forgiving of men who’s anatomy doesn’t fit in to a uber-penis ideal we’ve got used to populating our computer screens. What Tim obviously saw as his shortcoming, I now realised, had completely informed the way we’d been dating up until that point. He hadn’t even attempted to do anything more than kissing until that night - which was date seven - and it was, no doubt, down to worry about how I’d react when I saw his penis. At first, I thought waiting was odd but a nice change of pace from the guys I normally go out with and actually quite sweet and romantic. He kept talking about how he wanted a relationship instead of anything casual and I was desperate for that too after being burned by a guy six months ago who strung me along for months only to get a serious girlfriend a few weeks after we stopped sleeping together. Of course, when we got back to his house I quickly realised why “casual sex” wasn’t really on the cards for Tim for other girls. He had to trust someone wouldn’t show shock or - horrifyingly - laugh when he took his boxers off.

‘Having “proper sex” with Tim was, I can’t lie, a little bit weird. Not exactly in a good way. It’s not that I couldn’t feel his penis - I mean, I can feel a light flow tampon when I put that in my vagina - but we never got the rhythm right and basically it only ever felt like he was fingering me with his baby finger, only worse because at least a baby finger can bend and stimulate the walls of your vagina. Things were marginally better with doggy style, but nothing compared to what it’s like with an average or larger-sized penis. Sex just left us both feeling embarrassed and awkward and neither of us were ever able to finish - it can’t of felt very good for him either, the phrase “throwing a hotdog down the hallway” comes to mind. 

READ MORE: The Truth About Being A Straight Guy Who Hates Going Down On Girls 

‘But that’s not to say I didn’t have a really really good time with Tim in the bedroom. Once we stopped bothering trying to have penetrative sex, the real fun began. He was insanely good at going down on me - like, the best I’ve ever had by a long way - anything he lacked in the actually pounding department he certainly made up for with his tongue and his fingers. He was one of the most generous men in the bedroom that I’d ever come across. He was also totally open to talking about what I needed and whenever I felt like being ‘filled up’ (excuse the slightly gross term) he was completely up for using a dildo on me and it never seemed to make him feel inadequate. Once the relationship started, he was really confident. Plus, he was insanely hot. I had more orgasms in the six months that we were seeing each other than I’d had in any other relationship past or since and it made me realise that I’d take a generous guy with a small dick over a selfish person with a donkey schlong any day of the week.

‘Giving him head, however, took a bit of getting used because you’re not able to do lots of what I’d always thought of as “normal” blow job stuff. Obviously deep throating is out of the question but also the normal tongue flicking is totally different with a micro penis. You have less to work with so you have to be a bit more creative - it’s a lot more about the balls than blow jobs I’m used to, to put in bluntly. And hand jobs just made me feel weird because I couldn'y quite get the right grip, so we just left that out towards the end of the relationship. 

'Things didn’t work out with Tim in the end - I’m still quite into going out and getting wrecked and he’s looking to really settle down, amongst other reasons - but none of them were because of his small penis.’

Like this? You might also be interested in:

'I Love My Boyfriend But We Have Terrible Sex'

5 Things You (Probably) Never Knew About Condoms

All the Worst Things Guys Have Said To Girls After Sex 

Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophiecullinane

 

Tags: Penis Chat