Becca Day-Preston | Contributing Writer | Tuesday, 22 September 2015

What Does It Mean When Our Sex Dreams Aren\'t About The Person We\'re Having Sex With?

What Does It Mean When Our Sex Dreams Aren't About The Person We're Having Sex With?

The Debrief: The meaning behind my dream relationship with Dr Luka Kovac from ER

Hey, remember ER? Specifically, hey, remember Dr Luka Kovac, the hot Croatian doctor on ER? Here’s a fun fact about me: my sex dreams are usually about Dr Luka Kovac from ER. Not my really excellent boyfriend, or a former bae, or a secret crush, or even a more cool, of-the-moment TV hottie like that fella from that show you like. No, my sexy dreams are dominated by a man from a telly show I’ve not watched in over a decade. 

After a recent Kovac-scapade, I thought 'enough is enough!' and set off on a journey of self-discovery to understand what is going on with the lewd-when-sleepy bit of my brain.

So I talked to Anne, Heart FM’s resident dream analyst, about what it means to dream about someone else while your partner snores contentedly next to you…

First up, if you’re dreaming about someone else, and it’s got you wildly questioning your relationship’s integrity, chill the fuck out! Anne says that usually 'worrying that you will do something to mess up the relationship' causes those sexy dreams in the first place. And if you’ve ever dreamed that your partner is the one getting some extracurricular action, and then spent a whole day irrationally furious at them, that’s normal too, and coming from the same place. 

Dreaming about doing the do with an insignificant other is, basically, largely insignificant. It doesn’t mean you lurve, or even especially want to bang someone else. In fact, Anne says 'it’s rare that the person you dreamed you cheated with is actually someone you are interested in.' So if you dreamed, like my mate, about getting busy with your local septuagenarian newsagent, don’t worry about it. You’re not itching to jump the auld fella who sells you your scratch cards. (Unless you actually are, in which case, hey, it’s a free country, you can crush on whomsoever you wish.) 

While dreaming about boinking someone who’s not your partner isn’t the harbinger of doom you might think it is, it miiight mean you fancy spicing your sex life up a bit. No harm in that, mate. Get yourself on Lovehoney or something and have a look at their frankly staggering range of what yer mam and dad might call ‘marital aids’. 

But what about me? What about my recurring dream about Dr Luka Kovac? Anne reckons such a dashing, exciting fella 'could be quite exciting to someone married to someone they truly love but maybe the initial excitement has waned.' Yeah. Fair enough. I mean, I’m not married, but I have been in a relationship for almost eight years. Draw your own conclusions, but let it be known that he still looks at me like Jack looking at Rose in Titanic, even though I am almost always in holey leggings with shiny moisturiser-face. That’s proper, that is. You can’t dream that shit.

So, if you’re dreaming about you and someone else putting bits of each other in each other, no, it doesn’t mean you’re falling out of love. It doesn’t even, necessarily, mean anything other than that you’re worrying yourself about nothing. And if it does mean something? Spice things up a bit. Maybe buy a two-person slanket, you saucy bugger.

Like this? You might also be interested in...

Ask An adult: What Is Sleep Paralysis And Why Do I Get It?

Ask An Adult: Why Do I Keep Getting Crushes?

The Inevitable Stages Of An Office Crush

Follow Becca on Twitter @Becca_DP

Tags: Sex, Relationships