Stevie Martin | Staff Writer | Wednesday, 10 December 2014

The Place You're Most Likely To Catch An STD Is Terrifying And You Might Be There Right Now

The Debrief: Hint: your best mate might not be too happy about it...

You’re not most likely to catch an STD in a brothel. Or a strip club. Or at home. Oh no, you’re most likely to get one at your mate’s house, closely followed by your uni halls (in retrospect, we’re pretty surprised this didn't come out top). 

According to new research by UKMedix, two fifths of adults in the UK have contracted an STD at some point and the study also figured out the most likely places to get them were. If you’re in the market for one. As an aside, we’re not saying that you sit on your mate’s sofa and get gonorrhea – but that these seem to be the unprotected/STD sex hotspots for those of us who do some banging, then find ourselves crying outside a GUM clinic thinking we've got genital warts. 

For a clearer view on the places where you should be on your guard, here's a more detailed breakdown of the top ten. And remember, don’t have unprotected sex with someone you’ve never met before, even if they do say, ‘Aw yeah, it’s fine I’ve had one of those... tests? Yeah, yeah a test take you bra off.’

10. Cinema (5%) 

Because if you’ve not bonked on the back row of a summer blockbuster (the loud action sequences mask the orgasmic cries) then you haven’t lived. In saying that, we’ve never heard of anyone having sex in a cinema, and a member of Team Debrief worked in one for a year, so that’s saying something. 

9. Park (6%) 

Without wishing to be parkist, if you’re going to shag in a park then an STD is the least of your worries. What about syringes? Hedgehogs? Children? 

8. Swimming pool (6%

It’s not specified whether this is through pool sex or ingesting things via other means. Repulsive. Repulsive repulsive repulsive. Arggggggh…

7. Office/Workplace (7%

More people get an STD in their workplace than a park? This is mad. Perhaps this is via rampant cupboard-shagging or unprotected lift sex. Or cup sharing, if you want to get all ‘herpes’ about it. 

6. The beach (8%)

Steer clear of crabs on the beach guys. Haha. Hahahahahahaha. Anyway, beach-romps are the ultimate romance, and holiday romances are the ultimate passionfest, so this one isn’t surprising at all. Bikinis + alcohol + a beach - the linguistic ability to go to ashop to buy condoms = STD. Remember that great joke about crabs? Good times.

5. Nightclub (8%

Hands up who’s had sex in a nightclub? Actually, there’s quite a lot of people who get down on the dance floor. Or just go down on people on the dancefloor. And no amount of wicked moves can resolve the contraction of an STD. 

4. At home (10%

WAYOOOOO. Only 10% of STDs are contracted in the comfort of your own bed because we’re just too damn comfy to get chlamydia. Also, we’re probably way less likely to bring suspect people back to our own rooms and way more like to do the dirty somewhere else (see 1 and 2) 

3. Strip club (11%

But strippers... don’t... have sex with people... Or are we naive? Hmmm. 

2.  University campus / halls (13%)

A-ha! Not a surprise that this is number two, because when else are you cooped up in the same building as hundreds of other hormonal people you’d LTF (and who’d definitely LTF you) with a blatant disregard for personal safety? You’re young! You’re free! STDs don’t happen to people like y... Oh. Why do you think the drop-in clinics in student towns are so consistently brimming with sad looking 18-21 year olds? 

1. Friend's house (15%

Because house parties happen. And what happens at house parties? Meeting hot new friend’s of friend‘s who have brought bottles of booze and are looking for an excellent night (on top of you). Not everyone is at uni, but everyone goes to house parties, and while you might not want to bring that person back, you still don't want to go to theirs, so your mate's mum's bed seems like the next safest – hence why this is the top of the STD contraction list. 

So next time you’re at a uni halls, a mate’s house, a strip club, or your office (seriously, what?!), make sure you’ve got an army of rubber and a form for whoever your sleeping with to fill out. Preferably involving the question, ‘When was the last time you visited a GUM clinic and what happened?’ (Request paper if you need more space.)

Like this? You might also be interested in...

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Why The Snappening Is So Much Worse Than Digital Chlamydia

Instagram Accounts To Make You Lol When You're Bored 

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Picture: Getty 

Tags: Sex O\'Clock