Caroline Kent | Writer | 1,144 day ago

The New Threesome Rules

The Debrief: Caroline Kent explains why new group sex app 3nder is what the world of threesomes has been waiting for...

In the old days if you wanted to have a threesome you’d have to do it the hard way - i.e. by getting pissed at a party, flirting outrageously with the hottest couple there and hoping for the best, or if you’re a middle-aged couple from Esher, joining a swingers club. But now you can order your threesome in, filtering for gender, sexual preference and relationship status. All thanks to Tad.

Tad (Technologically Assisted Dating), is getting us laid with a lot less hassle than ever before. Those of us who have been using the internet to hook-up for at least a decade won’t be surprised to find out that 33 per cent of people will end up having sex during our first online dating enounter with someone. Convenient, cheap, accessible and relatively safe, it's no wonder more and more of us are turning to Tad to get laid.

The most hotly-discussed development on the Tad market right now is a group-sex app called 3nder. It's a sorting system that allows threesome-enthusiast users to filter between couples looking for singles, singles looking for couples, couple/couple four-ways, independent singles looking for each other etc.

Technology makes trying to find someone who'll screw you in the way you want to be screwed a whole lot less uncomfortable.


Though not publicly available yet, the 3nder's creators have revealed its' lofty ambitions. Their mission is to ‘make society more open about sexual desires, make people comfortable about their sexual desires, evolve our social acceptance.’ Which is all very noble, but of course it's PR fluff, because the selling point is pretty simple - people want to get laid and technology makes trying to find someone who'll screw you in the way you want to be screwed a whole lot less uncomfortable.

And actually the more I think about it, the more I realise that a specific hook-up app is the very thing that's been missing from the threesome experience up until this point.  Personally, I tend towards the thinking that if I want to disappoint two people at the same time then I'll just go for dinner with my parents, so my experience of threesomes has been limited. My first was with two girls at that age when you're  scared and confused and excited by everything so if the opportunity arises to have sex with it, you do. Or was that just me? Anyway, my next threesome was when I was a little older We bought another woman in; which the cool kids call an MFF encounter. It was all very diplomatic: I picked the girl, he took the lead in terms of pleasantries - wine pouring etc, and she directed the bedroom action. A truly egalitarian shag.

People get into threesomes for various reasons, to try out new genders or power balances or for fantasy re-enacment. I met one threesome enthusiast who found them the perfect to solution to his high sex drive and lack of interest in a commited relationship. And then there's the rest of us, who just get pissed and think 'fuck it.' But getting two people you fancy into bed with you is half the battle. What if an awkward sexual experience with your best mate and her boyfriend gets you crossed off their dinner party invite list for good? Or what if you and your boyfriend kill your relationship by living out your threesome fantasy with that girl from the gym? Forget worrying about the wrong dick going in the wrong hole, the sexual politics alone are the stuff of nightmares.

In the past, rules and preferences were unwritten or inferred, they are now explicitally listed on your profile page

And this is where Technology Assisted Dating comes into its’ own - because etiquitte is the cornerstone to any good threesome, so the more you’ve established beforehand, the better. From who’s going to take on a project management role and take charge, to what your sexual preferences are and what sort of penetration you’re after (it might seem arbitary but it’s the sort of thing you’ll definitely want stated explicitally before you get started - there's an issue of trust and consent here). And by using an app, you’re connecting with strangers - no muss, no fuss.

Essentially, there’s much less room for misunderstanding - in the past, rules and preferences were unwritten or inferred, they are now explicitly listed on your profile page. Boundaries, baggage and due-dilligence are discussed in greater detail than ‘it seemed like a good idea after those four bottles of wine.’ But, before you set your 3nder search to MMF, here are a few things to keep in mind...

-    Do be honest and specific about what you are looking for (and what you can offer) in your profile. If you have a particular fantasy in mind, spell it out.
−    Don’t meet the same couple more than once - you’re only making life complicated for yourself.
−    Do Let it be known beforehand if you're a newbie.
−    Don't allow anyone that you bring in to your bedroom, no matter how nice they seem, to take photos on their phone. Tulisa taught us all a valuable lesson.
−    Do banter before you strip. Afterwards don't just run off, stay and chat for a bit and say goodbye to your hosts (but always leave, now is not the time for spooning).
−    Don't friend them on Facebook or follow them on Twitter. That's creepy, keep it strictly 'business'. Once a hook-up, always a hook-up.

Follow Caroline On Twitter @CarolineKent

Tags: Sex, Sex O\'Clock, Sex And Tech