The Male G-Spot: Does It Exist?
The Debrief: We asked men what they really think about it...
The prostate gland. The Grafenburg Spot aka The Male G-spot. They say the female G-spot is hard to find, but try looking inside the butt-hole of a man for a “chestnut sized, doughnut shaped gland” while he repeatedly stutters and asks if you 'should really be up there?'
It’s been the subject of debate in women magazines for years now, yet there’s deafening radio silence on the dude side. It’s seems to be us girls getting constant pressure to indulge in some back door action, yet guys supposedly also have an actual anatomical reason to get involved, so what’s the issue? I mean, does this mystical butt beast exist or are we all barking up the wrong butt hole?
My first step on the hunt for the Man Button was to track down a Mens Sexual Health Expert and, hey? who knew! These guys are as elusive as the male g-spot itself. Turns out there are far more options if you want to talk about your vagina than there are to talk about your happy stick. This in itself is the first problem. How the hell are you meant to know it exists, if there’s no one to ask?
While I waited for an all-knowing Sexologist to answer my questions I decided to delve into the mind of the average man to find out if they’d stumbled across it or, better still, knew what guys in their twenties really thought about it.
Sam, 27, found it after his long term girlfriend decided to take a chance when they were both a bit tipsy and fooling around. 'She just kind of secretly went for it and I was too into it to notice, until I realised that it was about to make me come.' A little tickling and massaging apparently really does the job. But although Sam’s comfortable with himself it’s not something he’d talk about without the comforting veil of humour. 'I joke about it with my mates and stuff sometimes, but it’s probably just about one of the only things guys just don’t acknowledge when it comes to sex.'
He reckons the issue lies in the societal pressure to be a manly man who’s always expected to perform in the bedroom; 'Guys in general don’t get enough advice. I mean, growing up you’re just supposed to know what to do, in all aspects of sex… and you get even less support in learning about your body than girls do.' We feel ya, Sam.
So is that why is this specific subject so taboo? 'For some men I think as soon as you put the words "Man" and "Bum" together when you’re talking about sex, the average mind goes straight to homosexual tendencies.' He explains.
To help us clear this up, I finally found someone to answer all my burning questions on everything butt hole. San Diego based sexuality educator, speaker, writer, and activist Dr. Jill McDevitt, who is resident Sexologist at Swiss Navy lubricants was more than happy to answer any questions I had. Especially on why some men are reticent to get up close and personal with their Prostate. 'For some people, that concern may be about being perceived as feminine or gay, although of course there's nothing wrong with being feminine or gay and enjoying prostate stimulation doesn't relate to femininity or sexual orientation anyway.'
And there, we find the obvious first hurdle. For some reason some heterosexual men still think putting anything in their bum makes them “gay”. Ergo they just ‘aint talking about it as an accepted form of pleasure.
It’s 2016 guys! We have underwear hotels and hoverboards, man. We even have a game where you can catch real-life Pokémon, and you’re still relating homosexuality to having one of the little piggies take a trip to the bum market? Come onnnn.
I now realise while writing that, that the little piggies were actually toes. Wow, i’m in a world of pain here.
Moving swiftly on, here’s some big news for any man who thinks butt play equals gay: Regardless of your sexuality, all men have the same anatomical makeup and deserve The Big O, G spot style. Like Dean, 24, told me 'At the end of the day it's a born with, in-built system. It’s not developed from being gay and that attitude also just completely encourages internalised homophobia…'
So, the more men who talk about or try it with their partners, the quicker everyone can enjoy it as part of a healthy sex life, and the more irrelevant that outdated mindset becomes.
It’s all good clearing up attitudes around it, but if you wanted to have a go... here comes the golden question; are we absolutely sure it exists?
'Certainly, the prostate exists, and yes, when stimulated it can be pleasurable and assist in orgasm.' Dr. Jill Mcdevitt explains. 'I have experienced folks who are confused about the existence of a "male g-spot" only because they get caught up on the colloquial term of "male g-spot”.' She explained that the term we’ve coined makes it feel like some intangible mysterious ass phantom with no fixed location, (See: I may have paraphrased) and that maybe if we stopped calling it by it’s slang name and just referred to it as it is; a gland, we could get used to it and enjoy it way more.
Good news all round! Hoorah! Hooray! it’s real! All that’s left is to work out how exactly, you get the best out of what up until recently was an untapped gold mine.
'It is imperative to use a lube, and lots of it!' Jill explains, 'Swiss Navy Anal Lubricant is great and has clove oil in the formula, which is a natural analgesic and can help keep the area relaxed.' She also recommends taking your time and building up to it slowly, 'over several sexual encounters, and not trying to do it all on the first try. Start by having your partner put some lubricant on the flat pad of the fingertips and gently massaging the anal opening without pushing too hard until the body is fully relaxed.' The most important advice of all? 'Be patient!' She says.
Trying something new is all about being comfortable and relaxed, and if the man in your bed is open to it, why not try it? You now know it exists, you know how it works and you know how to get the best out of it. All that’s left is for you to introduce him to a whole new world of pleasure! No “if’s” “but’s” or “maybe’s.”
Well… maybe a little butt.
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