Chemmie Squier | Acting Fashion & Beauty Editor | Friday, 15 January 2016

The 9 Best/Worst Sexual Horror Stories On Reddit

The 9 Best/Worst Sexual Horror Stories On Reddit

The Debrief: A lot of people have had a lot of shockers

Reddit has got a bit of a thing (fetish?) for fetishes this week, which is handy as it’s International Fetish Day today, guys! First, it was Harry Potter, and now one user has asked the question: ‘What fetish did you try that went horribly wrong?’ Cue a deluge of frankly, really terrible stories that will make you want to do nothing but missionary for the forseeable future.

1. TON3R

Props to this guy for taking the plunge and doing what everyone’s always wanted to try, but didn’t, probably because they knew it would hurt like hell.

Pop Rocks blowjob when I was younger. Take my advice, don’t do it. It feels like your dick is navigating poorly through an asteroid field.

2. liskoturri

Who knew that innocent inflatable dolphins and flamingos and whales are being subjected to unsolicited grinding all over the shop?

Was grinding my wife against a huge eight feet inflatable orca when a disc flipped in my back. My back has never been the same.

3. wet-paint

This will make your penis hurt, even if you don’t have a penis.

She told me that getting head from a girl with mints in her mouth was just heaven, so we gave it a go. But she didn’t have any mints. Or any mint chewing gum, or chewing gum at all. What she did have though, was those melt in your mouth strips that come from Wrigleys, and the like. Buuut, it wasn’t mint, but Big Red cinnamon. Okay, whatever, same diff, right?

Possibly, but we didn’t get to find out. Turns out you have to let those suckers really melt on your tongue, and swish them around your mouth with some saliva to get them going. She just threw it in to her gob, and went to town on me. The entire strip just came out of her mouth, and landed on the head of my wang, and started melting away there.

Jesus Suffering Fuck, it was as if it was one of those chemical self fire starter things, out to start the next Fire of London. I leapt off of the bed, kneeing her in the jaw in the process, out in to the adjacent kitchen, and got my dick in to the closest source of water, which turned out to be dirty dish water, in a pint glass. Picked it up, lowered it down, and raised it up to dunk my dick in it.

Fuck, that hurt. I also had to reach in, and peel the decaying strip off of my glans, as it was still there and wouldn’t just fall away in to the water.

Only then, naked, heaving and covered in panic-sweat, did I shudderingly acknowledge and apologise to the two other girls sitting at the kitchen table drinking wine.

4. LittleLittleGremlin

Easter might be coming up, kids, but don’t even think about getting sexy with a creme egg. If you were.

Back when I was a horny teen around easter I got my boyfriend to put a Cadbury’s creme egg up my vagina. I have no idea why or how it came about but it happened. The problem is that moments after it was up there it started melting. Chocolate and fondant everywhere. We panicked and started to try and scoop it out. It hurt alot. After trying to figure out how to deal with the situation there was a knock on the door my mother. I walked past her like a duck and took the most painful bath ever leaving my boyfriend at the time mortified. Would never do again.

5. Aubear11885

This guy really suffered for his art.

Sex swing. Bought one for g/f’s apt. I was hanging it up to the roof in these shitty apartments while she was at work. Got it up and decided to test it before putting her in it. Sat down. Put a little more of my weight on it. Lifted one foot off the ground, then another. Sat for a second, hear a pop and crack. I looked up and the bolts broke free of the rafter. I’m staring up at a 5-10 pound steel bar falling right into my forehead as my ass hits the ground. I’m not sure how long I was out for, but I awoke on the floor half-wrapped in a leopard print sex swing.

6. InfamyDeferred

A literal slap in the face.

Had a girl tell me she likes it rough. I think ‘not really my style but we can try I guess’. I put on the condom, go in and she slaps me hard across the face. I lose my boner, sex is over. We broke up a week later and she tried to convince me she’s pregnant with my kid... that was the only sexual encounter we’d even had. She still sends me Facebook friend requests almost a decade later.

7. evilmonkey2

Like, you had one job.

Texted my girlfriend in the morning to blindfold herself and be naked in the living room on her knees waiting for me when I got home. Forgot about it by the end of the day (and it wouldn’t be unusual that she’d ignore my suggestion anyways).

Ran into the neighbor on my way into the apartment building. ‘Sure come on up and I’ll give you back that DVD I borrowed.’

Was a little embarrassing for everyone (and no, it didn’t lead to an impromptu threesome)

8. FlyLesbianSeagull

This one introduces you to a fetish you’ve never heard of and then makes you wish you never had.

My partner and I decided to try a BDSM play activity known as ‘figging’. You take a large piece of ginger root and shape it into something that resembles a butt plug. When inserted, it causes a burning sensation that gradually gets more intense.

So we get the ginger, make it into a plug with a flared base. It was a long root, so the flared base wasn’t as large as it is on standard plugs. He ties me down and puts it in my butt. Sure enough, it starts to burn like crazy and it just keeps getting stronger. I struggle around in pain while sucking him. Clenching makes the sensation way more painful, so he kept ordering me to do that.

It started to come out, so he went to adjust it and he just happened to push it in a bit too far and just like that, my ass sucked it up.
“Shit it went all the way in!” He said. He tried to get it out but couldn’t. Keep in mind I’m in excruciating butt pain as this is happening. He untied me, and we teamed up: I put my fingers in my pussy to try to guide it down through my vaginal wall while he tried to get it out of my butt.

We were trying for about 15 minutes while I’m crying. It was very humiliating but not in a sexy way. Eventually he has his entire hand up my ass and manages to grab it. We have not done figging since.

9. dialinga481

Apparently, you can’t just use your Ikea tea lights.

Learned too late that there are special candles for wax play. My nipples still have nightmares.

Like this? You might also be interested in:

My Boyfriend’s Got A Foot Fetish: How Do I Deal?

Reddit Users Imagine Which Sexual Fetishes Would Exist In The Harry Potter Universe

BDSM Involves A Surprising Amount Of Life Admin

Follow Chemmie on Twitter @chemsquier

Tags: Sex