Sitting On Santa’s Knee: What’s The Deal With The Santa Fetish?
The Debrief: Is it the beard? The red suit? The older guy thing? As it's the festive season, we attempt to unpick the santa fetish
The first time I realised the sexual power of Santa I was 17. My dad – a perilous way to start this second sentence I know, but stick with me – had just dropped off his Santa suit (see) after another Rotary Club Christmas collection at the local Tesco megastore.
As I fingered, in the non-sexual sense, the velvety seams of my father’s suit, I noticed a flare of intrigue in my girlfriend’s eyes. ‘Could you… try the hat on?’ she asked coyly.
Now, I’d like to say that what followed was an exceptional, spur-of-the-moment, Santa-clad shag on the kitchen table but, sadly, it wasn’t. Once I was in the suit – ‘in’ being the appropriate word because the thing was fucking huge – I had about as much sex appeal as Wee Jimmy Krankie. An emotion that was compounded by the arrival of my big sister and her boyfriend who said I looked like ‘a right prick’.
Needless to say, I am yet to toy with the joys of Santa play since. Others though are clearly enamoured with the bearded, burly one. In a 2008 survey conducted by hook-up website BeNaughty.com, over 20 per cent of the female subjects said they found Santa ‘sexy’.
So what is Saint Nick’s sex appeal? As Max Polyakov, head of BeNaughty.com said at the time, the beard, the red suit and the ‘obvious kind and friendly nature’ is the attraction. But I can think of quite a few bearded, friendly men dressed in red this Christmas who women haven’t clambered over just for a taste of hot toddy.
I asked a kinky friend, ‘R’ (24) whether Santaphilia was on her radar. She said it didn’t make her fetish list, but admitted to floating ‘a fantasy sitting on a mall Santa’s lap knowing I’d be fucking him later. Though there’s none of that weird “daddy” stuff going on. I just like sitting on a hot guy’s lap.’
Indeed, it seems the classic ‘come sit on my knee’ move is part of the appeal. On this Reddit thread, one mall Santa admits he gets the ‘occasional teenager grind on his meat’ but that ‘usually it’s a dare from there friends [sic]’, thereby concluding that the Santa fetish ‘is not real’.
Sorry [username] ‘Daliniues,’ no Santa-shaped prize for you; Santaphilia totally exists. Oh, does it ever.
I hit up Fetlife, the social networking site for members of the kink, BDSM and fetish community, to see how many kinksters have a thing for Santa’s package. The term ‘Santa’ appears in some capacity in over 300 worldwide kinky events this year alone (although we must consider some of these mentions will be place names such as Santa Barbara, Santa Cruz, etc) and, most interesting, ‘Santa’ is a recurring theme in over 346 fetishes encompassing collaring, tickling and fattening – and ‘sitting on Santa’s lap, wearing no panties,’ of course.
Out of all of the popular fetish groups, ‘Getting a Spanking from Santa Claus,’ was the one that caught my eye (God, I hope my dad isn’t reading this).
‘C’ (22) from Oregon, USA is a member of that group. She told me that ‘the idea of Santa himself ’ doesn’t turn her on but the idea of him randomly showing up in her house on Christmas Eve ‘to come deal with her for being naughty all year’ does the trick. And this ‘naughty or nice} dichotomy, it seems, is the cornerstone for much of the kinky play around Santa, obviously making it a perfect fit for those with a spanking fetish, such as ‘C’.
‘Just this last Saturday, I attended a play party where the host dressed as Santa. Other party-goers would take turns sitting on his lap, and would be allowed to choose a present from his big red bag,’ she wrote to me in a message. ‘Some of the presents, however, were punishment implements. And if they picked one, it was a sign that they’d been naughty, and needed to be immediately corrected. xD I didn’t arrive in time to choose a present, but that didn’t stop Santa from taking the strap to me for calling him old. xDD. See, I’m a little [brat], and simply adore the thought of being… “shown the error of my ways” by older men.’
Santa is certainly that. But we’re not talking about just any ‘old man’ are we? This is his excellence of Xmas, the guy who puts the ‘Don’ in Ding Dong Merrily on High, the chap with the sack aching to be emptied (even I audibly ‘ewww’ed at that one). What does Santa Claus specifically bring to the kinky table?
Sunny Megatron, sex educator and the host of Showtime’s ‘Sex with Sunny Megatron,’ told me that, ‘Santa is the ultimate dominant’ and ‘the end-all-be-all of punishment and reward’, especially for any child who grew up with him as a presence at Christmas time.
‘We can’t hide anything from Santa because he carefully watches us every minute of the day [and] although the threat of being on his naughty list is ever present and terrifying, we always end up getting rewarded handsomely in the end,’ she says. ‘Santa is the perfect mix of hyper masculine authority and nurturing, empathetic provider.’
‘C’ agrees that it’s what Santa represents rather than what he looks like that’s appealing. ‘Santa seems like the type to be firm and scold any child he punished, but would also be happy to comfort and hold them when it’s all over. He’d let them know that he has no intention of hurting them, but that he wants for them do grow into a kind and respectable adult. Just like any good father would.’
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