Jess Commons | Deputy Editor | Friday, 22 April 2016

People Share Their Most Awkward Sex Stories And Holy Shit

People Share Their Most Awkward Sex Stories And Holy Shit

The Debrief: 'My boyfriend was inside me and his mother was on top of me.' My vagina just sealed itself back up.

Oh sex. Sex is fun isn't it? Except when it's not fun. And then it's got the ability to become the most cringe-inducing awkward horror story you've ever had the (dis)pleasure of experiencing.

Reddit users today are sharing their most awkward sexual encounters and holy hell, it's a shit show.

This guy. Who learned that parents and sex don't mix

I was banging my high-school gf on the sofa in the basement while watching a movie. We were doing the lazy doggie, so kinda just laying like we were cuddling and we had a blanket over us. We didn't hear the truck roll up, but her father and brother walked in the back door of the house, like 20ft away (different room) and pretty much Walked right in saying, oh this movie, I wanted to see it. So, they both sat down, her father in another chair and her bother sat on the floor and leaned back on the sofa.. While I was still balls deep in her. We stayed like that for the whole movie.

 

This girl, who learned the same lesson

My boyfriend and I were staying in a hotel with his mom and his moms best friend. We were tired but they wanted to go down to the bar to get drinks. They were gone for about an hour and a half. They unfortunately came back while we were doing the lazy doggie under the covers and his mom leaped onto the bed on top of us. I've never felt more mortified in my life than when my boyfriend was inside me and his mother was on top of me.

Luckily nobody noticed. I quickly pulled my shorts back on under the sheets and went to sleep

 

This guy, who has mixed feelings about his girlfriends' orgasms

This one girl would cum so hard when I gave her head she would sometimes fart. We are dating. For 8 years now.

 

This girl, who knows what a boner killer nostalgia toys are

Long story short: Knocked a Furby over which promptly rolled under the bed and couldn't stop talking.

"ah! ah! weeeeeeee!" said the furby.

This girl who, oh god...

Sucking my girlfriends nipples when she suddenly says "Yeah baby.... you like that? You like mamas milk?"

This guy who needs to not get sex tips from marine invertebrates

The guy turned into a starfish. WHILE ON TOP. And kept repeatedly pecking me on the neck over and over again with no variety. No touching, grasping, or stroking either. Just him on top of me. It was probably the weirdest, most uncomfortable sexual experience I've ever had.

 

This girl who might wanna prioritise staying alive over an orgasm?

Girl told me to choke her, so I did. She kept saying harder, so I obliged. By the end of it, I had all my weight on this girls throat. I easily out weighted her by 100lbs. She still kept telling me to choke her harder.. She was turning blueish and started to choke/cough. I couldn't do it anymore, I went limp and pulled out. She was so mad at me for ruining her orgasm, "I was right there!" I never talked to her again.

This guy who needs to work on his post-sex chat

Took my girlfriend's viriginity, and naturally she bled all over my dick. She looked really embarassed so I tried to lighten the mood.

"Oh you know me - I don't mind a bit of ketchup on my hot dog"

I still don't know why I said that.

 

This guy. Again with the parents

My HS girlfriend, I was grade 11 she was grade 10, had a small gathering at her house (10 people-ish). After hot tubbing with the group, we all went inside and GF convinced me to go take a shower with her despite the fact her parents were home and just downstairs of us. The shower was one of those bath/shower hybrid types where you stand in a bath tub but use a shower head with a curtain to keep the bathroom dry. So not two minutes into this shower there's a knock on the bathroom door and a voice says "GF are you in there?!", she replies "yes", Then her mom says "great, let me in". My thoughts become the phrase Oh Fuck on repeat as GF turns off the water and lets her mum in. Luckily, I'm still hidden behind the curtain and have some hope she will just leave and I can continue my sexy shower time. Unfortunately, I realized that wouldn't be happening when GF's mum pulled back the curtain and revealed me in all my glorious nakedness. By that point my erection had literally inverted itself and all I could do was cover my nether regions with my hand and smile awkwardly at her for the next ten seconds while she looked me up and down for a very long time. Needless to say, the rest of the night was pretty awkward and my pulse quickens whenever I see one of those bath/shower combos.

And this guy.

He meowed as he came. I think he thought it was cute or something.

 

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

Three Ways The Anal Conversation Seems To Always End Up Going (NSFW)

All The Worst Things Guys Have Said To Girls After Sex

Single-Bed Sex: It’s Always Rubbish, Right?

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