My Boyfriend's Got A Foot Fetish: How Do I Deal?
The Debrief: What to do if your fella’s into feet but you’re toe-tally clueless on how to handle it (sorry)
A mate of mine recently began dating a guy she met at a concert. The gig had lead to giggedy giggedy; they’d started sleeping together, and everything seemed fine, dandy ’n’ randy – until she phoned me up last weekend to confess that ‘a sex issue had come up…’
‘We were lazing on the sofa together scoffing all the posh reduced price Christmas snacks we’d just bought from M&S and watching Making A Murderer,’ she explained, ‘and I changed position to lay back and put my feet in his lap. He sprung a massive boner!
‘At first I thought he was turned on by the delicious delicatessen foodstuffs (utterly justifiable) or the crime show (concerning), but then he admitted that he has a ‘big thing about feet’.’
At the time, my pal ‘awkwardly laughed it off’ because she didn’t know what the hell to say and was a little freaked out. However, on reflection, she thinks her man’s foot fetish is ‘something she’d be game to find out more about in the name of being GGG’, but she doesn’t have any idea where to begin.
So how do you approach the situation if it turns out your gent is less into football, more into having your foot in his balls, and you want to explore this together?
Here are the answers to some questions you might be asking…
How common are foot fetishes? Are they rarer than a flea on the Queen’s Chihuahuas, or do lots of people get aroused by feet?
It’s hard to get exact figures on how many folks have a foot fetish, because it’s not something people tend to be open about, but a lot of research papers suggest that after standard ‘sexual’ body parts like boobs and bums, feet are the most frequently fetishised bit of the female body. My pal’s new soulmate is far from alone in being a sole man.
Podophilia – the clinical term for a foot fetish, and a crucial one to spell correctly – is also lots more common in men than it is in women, although foot fans with fannies are out there.
Celebrity podophiles include Andy Warhol (who reputedly kept a mummified foot by his bedside), Elvis, and, infamously, Quentin Tarantino (which is why I call my baby toes my ‘Quentin Taran-teeny-toes’).
Why would someone be turned on by feet? Where does the fetish stem from?
There are a few theories about this. I discussed the topic with Sole Server, a male ‘foot worshipper and devotee’ who regularly attends foot fetish clubs, and is so titillated by trotters that he believes he can tell a woman’s shoe size just by looking at her face.
‘Some people posit that podophilia begins very early on in childhood, when a toddler is learning to crawl or walk,’ he says. ‘They spend a lot of their days with their mother’s feet directly in view as they shuffle around on the floor. They may grab her ankle or knee for support and balance, and they know that when the feet are there, it means mum’s there, so food and safety and love are present.
‘They come to associate feet with care, nurture, security and protection, and this can lead to a lifelong fascination which evolves to become sexual.
‘Alternatively, guys who are sexually submissive may like the idea of bowing down to a woman’s feet as a form of praise and to demonstrate how inferior they feel they are compared to her,’ Sole Server continues.
‘They idolise the very lowest part of her body because they feel that they themselves are lowly – within that specific sexual context, at least. Merely to kiss the feet of such a goddess is considered an honour by these men. There’s also the thrill of knowing a lady could kick, crush or stamp on you with her feet at any time, which can give an exciting shot of danger, and add to the sense of being dominated.’
Then, there are chaps who appreciate female feet on a less psychological, more aesthetic level: they like how pretty, soft and small they are in comparison to male plates o’ meat, and see them as a symbol of attractive femininity.
On the flipside, for others, the draw is that feet are often considered ‘dirty’ – they can be sweaty, smelly, grubby body parts that are often hidden away in shoes and socks. These gents get revved up by the elements of filthiness and taboo. They may get intensely aroused by the juxtaposition of a beautiful woman with disgustingly stinky soles, and could feel that by witnessing very base aspects of a woman’s humanity, such as her foot perspiration and odour, which most people try to mask or keep private, they are sharing something very personal and special with her. The pheromones in foot sweat can be a chemical turn-on too.
Hmmm, it seems there are a lot of different roots and reasons as to why a guy might fantasise about feet, and what it is about a lady’s little piggies that makes him feel jiggy. So how do I find out precisely what my partner likes?
Mistress Magpie is a dominatrix based in Plymouth, who offers foot fetish services to clients. ‘The phrase “foot fetish” is indeed a very broad, catch-all term, which encompasses all sorts of things,’ she says. ‘Some guys adore bare soles, others go wild for women in high-heeled Louboutins, some love the silky feel of stockings and the tease of glimpsing a tasty set of toes wrapped in sheer nylons, and certain guys even crave skanky old trainers!
‘The only way to discover what your man likes is to talk to him.’
Have a chilled out, clothes-on chat with your partner to discover exactly what ‘I’m into feet’ means to them. Begin by asking whether they prefer trotters in or out of shoes or hosiery. You could follow on from that discussion by browsing some related erotic stories, photos or porn sites together and getting your gent to tell you what makes him salivate, or Googling on your own for inspiration.
‘Pornography can be a useful tool to give you ideas of things to try together and help teach you what makes foot fans tick, but it’s important to remember that not all saucy images will necessarily reflect your man’s appetites, so don’t panic if you stumble across something extreme!’ warns Mistress Magpie. ‘Just use it as a jumping off point.’
OK, I’m ready to dip my toe in the water. Or wherever. Can you give me a few accessible, creative ideas to kick off with and explore his foot fetish together?
Receiving a foot massage from your partner is an excellent starting point. ‘It’s a treat for both parties, and allows you to get used to the feeling of your feet being touched,’ says Spencer G, 27, a foot fan himself.
‘I recommend beginning by using a proper foot cream with a strong smell like mint or coconut; as well as lubricating the foot so that his hands glide along her skin comfortably, scented lotions help remove any worries she may have about her soles being whiffy so she can relax more.
‘As discussed, some men love the stench of niffy feet, but it’s best to take baby steps at first with fetishes; his aim should be to make her feel good, like they’re both enjoying the indulgence together, not that he’s inflicting his desires upon her. Take it slow.’
Get him to paint your toenails
‘If he’s submissive, he’ll particularly love kneeling down before you to concentrate on this task,’ says Spencer. ‘And you can reprimand or spank him if he makes a shaky-handed mistake.’
Foot-and-mouth. Who knew that a terrible cattle disease that gives cows horrific blisters could also be a blistering hot bedroom move?!
Most foot fetishists will be loopy about the prospect of kissing, licking and sucking your feet. ‘My boyfriend and I have invented a sex move we call the “Tootsie Roll”,’ says Polly, 28. ‘I roll over onto my back, and he fucks me with my legs lifted up towards his shoulders, so he can turn his head and rub his face against my tootsies or suck my toes while he’s inside me. So. Goddamn. Sexy.
‘I never considered my feet to be an erogenous zone before I met him, but feeling his tongue swirl round my toes is blissful.'
Take him shoe shopping
While a lot of guys would rather slam their own testicles in a toastie-maker than traipse round stores with you, for the foot fan, watching you try on pairs of beaut boots and strappy sandals can be erotic theatre – and the fact they have to control themselves in public enhances the rush.
Foot fetish + sexting = pho-toes
Gemma T, 28, says, ‘My partner goes crazy if I send him a snap of my feet. I often search the hashtags #feet, #sexyfeet and #footfetish on Instagram to get ideas for poses and positions that look sexiest and show off my arches. I switch things up by accessorising with toe rings and anklets, drawing on patterns with henna, or writing his initials on my big toes with a polish pen.’
Has he been a naughty boy?
Anna P, 25, says, ‘My boyfriend’s a submissive foot fetishist, and one of my favourite tricks is to punish him by commanding him to sleep at the bottom of the bed with my toes in his face rather than spooning with me. Of course, he actually loves being “banished” like this!’
What about ‘foot jobs’ – wanking a bloke off with the bits of your bod that’d usually go in wellies, not on willies?
‘Foot jobs can be quite hard to do – it can be tricky to get yourself into a position where you can easily wrap both your soles around his penis and rub it for long without becoming uncomfy, or your motions being clumsy,’ says Gemma. ‘That said, though, my bloke comes in seconds when I do this, so there’s barely time for my thighs to start aching!
‘To begin, try sitting facing each other with your feet in his lap, and letting him hold your feet around his shaft and move himself between them by thrusting his hips, so you’re not doing all the work. Lashings of lube help make things smoother too. My guy also goes gooey (so to speak) if I push the toes of one foot gently against his bollocks then curl them up so they lightly pinch him.’
But if I have a verruca on my foot, could he get a verruca on his bits? THE HORROR.
Fear not. Although all warts and veruccae are caused by the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), the strain that likes to live on feet (HPV-1) isn’t the same as the strains that like to live on genitals (HPV-6 and 11), so fondling his junk with your footsies is highly unlikely to leave him needing to Bazuka his ballsack.
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