Millenials Are One Minute Quicker At Wanking Than Over 35s
The Debrief: We're nothing if not efficient
Maybe you like doing it on a Wednesday, around 7pm, just before your housemates get home. Or perhaps the shower is your go-to? Some may like to start their day with an orgasm. However you like to get off, that's cool and totally your business. The thing is, there's little else more interesting than finding out what the nation spends it's time rubbing one out to (and for how long and when). And thankfully Mic and Pornhub agree - so they've got together to get the low-down on millennial masturbation. So, here are our most interesting wanking habits.
9 Minutes 10 Seconds
This is the average length of our Pornhub session, meaning we spend more time painting our nails than making ourselves come (unless you're someone who doesn't paint their nails, in which case, get your own analogy). In comparison, the older generation (35 and over) are lagging behind with an average of 10 minutes 15 seconds.
We can put this down to a few things. Practice, for starters; thanks to internet access porn's easier to find than a Freddo bar, so I'm willing to wager that we've spent more time honing our wanking technique than any generation before us. Plus, we're time conscious beings because we're snowed-under not being able to get on the property ladder and going through a quarter life crisis characterised by Netflix binges. But one thing we can be proud of as a generation is that we're really efficient at getting ourselves off. Which, at the end of the day, is what really counts.
Monday is The Day
Monday? More like Pornday, am I right? The fact that this is our favourite day to rub one out can be attributed to one overarching theme, about which there have been countless scientific studies with the same conclusion: Monday's suck. More often than not, it's spent eating reheated takeaway from your Sunday hangover meal and watching Storage Hunters, and that's on a good day. It's no wonder that the only light at the end of the tunnel that is Monday is a frigging session. Saturday, on the other hand, is our least favourite because we're too busy having a life and getting drunk.
Data doesn't lie: we like to wank to cartoons. Specifically hentai, a sub genre of Japanese manga and anime which is sexually explicit, which we're 190% more likely to search for than the oldies. Whilst anime comes it at a more then respectable 131%.
We're pretty niche
We've got to hand(job) it to ourselves, we think outside the box. I'm not talking Mucophilia levels of 'uniqueness', but we're imaginative. For example, we're 128% more likely to search for 'emo'. Does this mean we're watching heavy side-fringed !METULMike! go at it? Are we watching a couple sob as they copulate? Do studded belts and skinny jeans make an appearance? Maybe it's a combination of all three. There's a lot of questions here but all I'm saying is that if MySpace hasn't been referenced at some point in the video, they've had a shocker.
Gym (+112%) and yoga (+91%) rank in our wank-banks too because #fitness. Long nipples and dogging, though, take a hike. We're over you.
Kim K is King
The most searched for 'pornstar' (by everyone, not just millenials) is Kim Kardashian, despite only having one video to her name. Her 2007 sex-tape has over 93 million views making it Pornhub's most-viewed video ever. Quite a feat. And in case you needed even more proof that people aren't over that yet, remember this Glastonbury dickhead?
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Picture: Ada Hamza
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