Girl On The Net | Contributing Writer | Wednesday, 13 May 2015

How I Learnt To Love Rimming

'How I Learnt To Love Rimming'

The Debrief: Rule One: showers are vital

'I went dizzy. I actually squealed. So many nerves were being pleasured at once. It felt almost too much, but when he stopped I wanted it again immediately.'

Pop quiz: what is this anonymous gentleman describing? If you answered 'being rimmed for the first time' you'd be correct. 

A long time ago a guy I loved deeply asked me to lick his arse. Usually keen to fulfil the desires of guys I love deeply, I gave it a go. I pushed his knees back behind his ears, pushed my face into his crack and had a general lick around the area. 

'Hmm...' he said, alerting me to the fact that my attempt had not lived up to his expectations. 'You can stop now.' It was confirmation that I was exactly as incompetent as I thought I was. 

Thing is, I'm not a huge fan of rimming. I'm keen on a fair amount of sex play that most people would place at the filthier end of the spectrum, but rimming – whether as the rimmer or the rimmee - just doesn't do it for me. Beat me til I cry then piss in my mouth and I'll be as happy as if you've given me a birthday present. But lick my arse? I'll shuffle uncomfortably for a bit then ask you to stick the kettle on. 

What's the etiquette behind getting your arse licked?

Still, if I were the only arbiter of sexiness the world would be a boring place, albeit a boring place staffed by naked waiters. So, as rimming seems to be growing in popularity, I spoke to a few of the horny individuals who hang out in my Twitter stream to get a second opinion. I wanted to know – what's in it for you? What's the etiquette behind getting your arse licked? Should it ideally be done in a shower, or shortly after running naked through the rain? And boy did they deliver the answers.

We all know there are plenty of nerve endings in your arse – whether you love anal or hate it, it's a pretty intense sensation. But what's so hot about tongue? Fringe and Beard are a sex-positive couple who are both huge fans of rimming. Fringe equates receiving with the same pleasure she gets from dominance and submission - 'that safe vulnerability that feels like soaring - similar to how I've felt as a sub in D/s scenes, but without having to get in a subby headspace.' Another female rimmee (who asked to remain anonymous) told me that, for her, the pleasure comes from the taboo itself: 'Every bit of you should be telling that person with their tongue in your arse to fuck off but it feels so good - that is just so hot.' 

But it's not just being tongued that does it. Fringe says: 'I particularly get off on the way my partner gives himself over to me and trusts me with his body - it's a massive turn on feeling his joy and surprise.' Sex blogger Seaside Slut says she prefers to give it - 'a lot of guys go crazy for receiving it, particularly if you wank them simultaneously or throw it in there while giving them head.' 

These days mentioning bum play isn't going to get you kicked out of the bedroom and immediately arrested

Is it becoming more popular? From my own sexual shenanigans, I've discovered that there are certain porn moves which are sneaking into our bedrooms as we take inspiration from the videos we like to wank to, but is rimming one of them? My anonymous girl says it's not so much a question of it getting more popular, just that our attitudes are becoming more open – these days mentioning bum play isn't going to get you kicked out of the bedroom and immediately arrested. 'I think it's easier to broach but I wouldn't say it's becoming more popular. People have been fucking since the dawn of time. Are you telling me cavemen didn't like a bit of ass play?'

READ MORE: A Beginner's Guide To Rimming 

Seaside Slut agrees that it's mainly about attitude: 'I might say that guys are more relaxed about arse stuff these days, like there's less fear that it will immediately "give them gay." Possibly this is related to how prolific porn is in the age of the internet, so people are seeing that it's OK to experiment.'

Our panel of rimming experts say the best thing to do is prepare, take your time, and relax.

So – rimming is hot, and it's becoming easier to broach with sex partners – are you tempted? If so, how on earth do you go about it?. As with all sex, enthusiastic consent is key – there's nothing less arousing than whipping out a new move and having it met with a 'meh.' Our panel of rimming experts say the best thing to do is prepare, take your time, and relax. But one thing did come through quite strongly – showers. 

Thomas was introduced to rimming by a sex worker – despite initial reluctance he was blown away, and now does it regularly with casual partners. 'I’ve usually broached the subject whilst were both in a bath or shower so that both parties can know that the other is nice and clean.' Wise words. 

The male half of our rimming couple, Fringe and Beard, explains that while you wouldn't necessarily order someone to go and have a shower, good comms are obviously vital: 'We tend to drop hints if we want to have a bit of bum play later on - just the "I want to kiss your bum tonight" kind of thing. Then we can make sure we're happy for people to go down there if we want them to! It's best to have a heads up, but if it happens more spontaneously, we're easy saying "not right now" (like if we've been on the tube for 40 mins on a summer's day).'

Like all sex acts, rimming probably isn't for everyone – while those who responded to me were enthusiastic about the sexy softness of licking someone's arse, there are others who'd run a mile at the suggestion that you bury your face in their butt-crack. But if you're tempted to try it, the best advice, came from one of my anonymous respondents, who summed up what I think is the simplest, most useful advice to remember during any sexual encounter: 'be open about it if you want it. If you don't ask, you don't get.' Now hop in the shower. 

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Tags: Sex, Sex O\'Clock