Gulp. Here Are A Few Playground Sex Myths That Are Actually True
The Debrief: You know that story you heard at school about the couple who got stuck together during sex? Yep, that's true...
Back in the days of yore when the internet was a mere green pixel and crop tops were seen but not selfied, the school yard was ruled by urban myths. And the occasional terrifying dinner lady. Without Yahoo Answers to grill about whether it was possible to get pregnant from a toilet seat or mistake spunk for mayo in a chicken burger, we all spent a lot of time hovering over loo seats and avoiding KFC. Some call it a better time. But don't you believe them. These were dark days.
Now that there's a page on the web to answer every question in the world (see: ’in what year will I smell Jessica Albas feet?’), most urban myths have been debunked in one way or another - sometimes even from the horses mouth/hamster’s arse. But not every playground myth morsel was a big fat lie though. Shock and quite possibly horror, some myths are actually FACT. *Read and occasionally weep…
Yes you can break a penis during sex
You probably don’t want to look at the Wiki picture to go with this entry, but ‘penile fracture is rupture of one or both of the tunica albuginea, the fibrous coverings that envelop the penis's corpora cavernosa. It is caused by rapid blunt force to an erect penis, usually during vaginal intercourse or aggressive masturbation’. It happened to Mark ‘McSteamy’ Sloan in series 5 of Grey’s Anatomy. And that was an injury inflicted on a doctor by another doctor, so no one’s safe. Gulp.
Yes it is possibly to jostle a foetus during sex
A large proportion of the internet is dedicated to reassuring expectant mums that their partner’s penises aren’t actually big enough to poke their unborn children. Most are rightm but it is possible to ‘jostle’ bubba.
John Hotchkiss, the creator of US show ThisvsThat explains: 'The growing baby is floating inside a sac of amniotic fluid which is floating inside the amniotic sac inside the uterus. The uterus is protected by the cervix, a rigid barrier to the vagina which slowly opens over the course of the pregnancy. The birth canal is 3 to 7 inches in length, depending on the woman's state of arousal.'
Apparently, during sex, the penis fits in a space underneath the cervix and uterus, but it’s quite possible for the shaft to "brush up against" the cervix, which could shake the contents of the amniotic sac and give the baby a waking wobble.
Yes foetuses can have boners
On an unconnected note, male and female babies have been known to touch themselves in a way that can be physically compared to masturbation in utero. But girls obviously don’t get caught being aroused on a sonogram.
Yes you can get stuck together during sex
Talking of unconnected matters, Dr. John Dean, Clinical Director of Gender and Sexual Medicine for Devon Partnership NHS Trust, described the scenario by which penis captivus can 'certainly happen' in a horrifying interview with the BBC.
'What... is likely to happen is that when the penis is within the vagina it becomes increasingly engorged,' he says. 'The muscles of the woman's pelvic floor contract rhythmically at orgasm... While those muscles contract, the penis becomes stuck and further engorged within [the vagina] until the muscles relax, blood can flow out... the penis... the penis starts to go down after orgasm and the man can withdraw.' Gah!
Yes vagina dentata is a thing
Or a fanged fanny. Or a toothed foo. But it’s very rare. And probably won’t severe penises at quite the rate as the one in the 2007 b-movie Teeth.
The concept that woman have a dark and dangerous secret lurking in their lady-parts dates back Greek mythology (‘dentata’ is Latin for ‘toothed’) and is more likely to set teeth on edge than cause any actual castration. However, The American Journal of Forensic Medicine and Pathology reported a benign embroid tumor containing teeth growing in the wall of a woman's vagina in 1989.
Yes cycling can make guys impotent
Oi, you on that fixie, jumping the lights and thinking you look like a hipster - listen up… According to patient.co.uk: 'Erectile Dysfunction after long-distance cycling is thought to be common. It is probably due to pressure on the nerves going to the penis, from sitting on the saddle for long periods. This may affect the function of the nerve after the ride.'
Yes oral sex can cause an air embolism
But only if you’re pregnant. According to the NHS, ‘there have been a few reported cases of an air embolism occurring when air blown into the vagina has got into the enlarged blood vessels surrounding the pregnant woman's vagina.’
Yes spunk does have calories
Well, not that many, but it does have some. More than celery but less than a dollop of mayo. Apparently five per serving. But sex burns off 20 times that, so it's probably not worth factoring into your Weight Watcher points just yet.
Yes you can get pregnant while in a hot tub/standing up/playing the flute
But you already knew that.
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating