Sophie Cullinane | Features Editor | Tuesday, 25 August 2015

You Try Telling Your Tinder Date That You\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'re Into Being Fisted

Fisting: 3 Women Teach Us All You Need To Know About Vaginal Fisting

The Debrief: So, how do you tell your Tinder date you're into vaginal fisting?

‘One of the unexpected and totally welcome side affects of all those gross dick picks and crazy sexual propositions everyone gets on Tinder and Happn is that I think all of us, subconsciously, have got a bit more accepting of total stranger’s sexual quirks,’ Gemma, a 28-year-old production assistant who has been single and using Tinder and Happn for just over a year, tells The Debrief.

‘Once you’ve seen one (or seven) enormous Prince Albert piercings staring at you from your phone, or had casual sex a couple of times with guys who think suggesting anal sex on the first date is just standard, you begin to realise that people in their 20s in the UK are far less sexually reserved than we’re given credit for elsewhere in the world.

‘But even in these enlightened times, you try telling a Tinder date you’ve just met for the first time that you’re really into getting vaginally fisted. Their face will tell you everything you need to know about whether or not there are still a few sexual taboos.’ 

When you hear the word ‘fisting’ in a sexual context, you’d be forgiven for having a similar reaction to the men Gemma describes. The word itself is violent – it contains the word ‘fist’, you know that thing used for punching? – and the idea that someone would be harnessing that violence in a very delicate area of you body is enough for even the most liberally minded rough sex enthusiast to consider crossing their legs for good.

But despite what the word implies, fisting is something many women are now incorporating in their sexual repetoire and, far from being a bunch of leather-clad men in darks rooms, a study called What Women Want by the Daily Beast found that young women who are now more likely to search for the term ‘fisting’ on porn sites then men.

And a quick glance of the types of videos they’re finding when they do so will tell you that this is something that can be pretty fulfilling for the girls involved – they certainly look like they’re having a good time. So is fisting actually something we should – whisper it – actually consider giving a go?

‘I prefer the word “handballing” to “fisting” – which sounds like you’re basically having your genitals beaten up – because it’s less scary and a much more accurate description of what’s actually going on,’ explains Grace, a 25-year-old artist from south London, who enjoys getting fisted by her boyfriend of three years.

‘It’s a really intense sexual experience for both me and my boyfriend and is basically one which needs a lot of trust, communication and a shit load of lube. The thing about fisting is my boyfriend’s goal will always be to cause me absolutely no damage, not to just minimise damage to my vagina, and fisting shouldn’t really cause you any pain.

‘If you’re finding it painful or severely uncomfortable, it’s probably an indication that you’re not relaxed or aroused enough to try fisting or that your vagina and your sexual partner’s hand are just not a good match. Everyone is different and every sexual experience varies. Sometimes, I’m just not able to take my boyfriend’s whole hand even though fisting has been an exciting part of our sex lives for years.

‘Basically, if you never force the process and listen to what your body is telling you, fisting isn’t actually a violent act at all. In fact, I’d say it’s one of the most loving things we get up to in bed.’

What does fisting actually feel like? 

Still not convinced? Twenty-seven-year-old broker Bethany, another single fisting enthusiast, thinks that the most important thing is to get your head around the fact that fisting is a slow process that needs a lot of time and patience. ‘Fisting is not something you can attempt when you’re having a quick shag in a club toilet, you really need to build up to it,’ she explains.

‘You need to make sure that you’re really aroused so, for me, that means a lot of oral sex first. Then, I guide the guy to start by inserting a few fingers, building up to inserting all five fingers in the shape of a ‘V’ or like a bird’s beak. The most intense bit is getting past the knuckles and this might be where I’d be having to tap out if my partner’s hands were too big.

‘I find it helps if I bear down on my pelvic floor. Once the knuckles are in, the vagina actually “pulls” the hand in and I enjoy it when they then curl their fingers into a ball. From this stage, I don’t need a lot of movement because even the slightest flinch can feel like really intense, and I enjoy it when they gently flex their finger muscles. I’m basically into the feeling of “fullness”. It won’t be long before I’ve come.’ 

It’s hard to argue with an orgasm as a reason why these girls are into fisting, but is there any other, more psychological reason why they’ve been so keen to give it a go? ‘It sounds cheesy, but fisting is probably the most intimate thing I’ve ever tried with a sexual partner because it required so much trust – you really connect with the person who’s doing it to you,’ explains Gemma.

‘Opening up someone’s body in a way you didn’t think was possible is a pretty amazing experience for both of us. Obviously, if it’s something you’re considering trying, you’ve really got to make sure you communicate what you’re feeling and it’s certainly not for everyone, but it’s really enriched my sex life.

‘But a word of warning – make sure whoever’s doing the fisting has short clean fingernails. It’s a recipe for cystitis if they haven’t.’

Loud and clear, Gemma. 

Like this? Then you might be interested in:

What To Do When your Partner Has A Higher Sex Drive Than You

Every Question You’ve Ever Had About Lube, Answered. Probably. 

Non-Cringe Sexting Suggestions That Actually Work

Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophiecullinane

Tags: Sex O\'Clock