Alix Fox | Contributing Writer | Friday, 5 June 2015

5 Things I Learned From A Gay Male Escort

5 Useful Sex Things I Learned From A Gay Male Escort

The Debrief: I had a natter with a gay rent boy and it was MAJORLY edu-fucking-cational

Brett is 35, and has been working as a gay male escort since he was 18. 

He spent significant time employed in a high-class brothel in West London, which had themed rooms decked out to look like hospital wards for medical fetishists; sumptuous Victorian manor houses with velvet-draped four-poster beds; and luxury Italian villas filled with marble statues. He’s been a member of an escort agency who provided a chauffeur to ferry him between jobs with men including lawyers, judges, marines and doctors – most of them married to women. He’s also picked up customers in bars and via apps like Grindr. Nowadays, he mostly services a handful of regular clients on a private basis, including an elderly vegetable farmer and a wealthy computer scientist.

Brett estimates that he has had sexual encounters with around 2,000 men. 

He’s seen more sausage than a record-breaking BBQ - needless to say, Brett has some extreme stories that’ll make your eyebrows shoot right off the top of your forehead - and a whole lot of wisdom to impart. 

So I had a chat with him, and learned five unforgettable (and very useful) lessons…

1/ More straight couples should use anal douches 

'I both give and receive anal sex – I’m "a top" and "a bottom" – and I like to make sure I’m prepared to do either when I attend an appointment with a client,' says Brett. 'I have a special kit that I carry at all times containing condoms, lube, and a portable anal douche from upmarket erotic emporium Coco de Mer.”'

“Douching involves sucking up warm tap water into a small rubber pump then squirting it gently up your back passage to clean it out. You can do it over the toilet or in the shower; at home, I have a special showerhead attachment specifically for the job! I recommend doing this before bum sex because it makes you feel fresher, more confident, and less worried about potential accidents. Talking of potential accidents, before I made this part of my routine, I did once, long ago, have a most unfortunate trip to Brown Town, after I'd done a lot of poppers, and crapped all over a guy's pristine white sheets. 

'Douching is a part of gay culture I think more straight folks could benefit from adopting. Poppers maybe not so much!' 

2/ A tube of lube is your best friend - and there's a knack to giving a circumcised guy a handjob

'Silicone-based I.D. Glide is my absolute favourite lubricant,' Brett recommends. 'During anal, using a big glob of it helps keep things cleaner as well as more comfortable. It’s also great if you’re giving a cut guy [a man who’s had a circumcision] a hand job.

'Circumcised men tend to take a lot longer to come, so don’t panic if you’re with a new lover who’s not got a "hoodie" and you seem to have been wanking him off since the Bronze Age. It’s probably not your technique; it’s just that his dick’s less sensitive. Focus on stimulating the tip a lot more than you might with a bloke whose foreskin was still intact.'

3/ There are some seriously unusual fetishes out there

'One of my clients loved to pay me to sit in the corner of dimly lit room, and would watch and masturbate from the other side as I slowly blew up black rubber balloons for him. He got really turned on by the idea of them bursting, but demanded that I tease him and heighten the anticipation by letting them deflate now and again before blowing them right up to the point where they popped. I’d make £200 without even touching him. 

'I’ve also had several clients with foot fetishes, many of whom fantasised about the smell of my sweaty soles. To titillate them, I would buy those socks that are embroidered with days of the week, then send them a daily photo showing that I was still wearing Monday’s pair on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and so on. When their appointment arrived on Friday, they’d be almost hysterical with excitement about getting their hands (and mouths!) on my then offensively pungent plates of meat.'

4/ The whole body can ben far more sensual than you think

'At the brothel, I used to see a gent who had cerebral palsy. A lot of the other rent boys refused to take bookings from him, because they felt intimidated or repulsed by his physical appearance; his limbs were withered and twisted, and he used a wheelchair. I think some of them were scared that they wouldn’t know how to handle things or touch such a different body; others of them, sadly, I don’t think really viewed him as a human being. I figured that if the guy had the bravery to put himself out there and visit professional prostitutes in an effort to independently satiate his own sexual needs, then I was very happy to treat him just as I would any other decent client. It was kind of an interesting adventure, too, and he actually taught me a lot.'

“The guy liked me to begin things by laying down naked on the edge of the mattress, with my back to him, while he was in his chair next to the bed. He would spend ages stroking my hair and kissing my neck, then massage and tickle my back, and smell my skin, before asking me to turn over so he could run his fingers across the front of me. It was like he wanted to explore every inch of my body. He was very reverent about it, and extremely sensual.

'He wasn’t able to ejaculate, or even jack himself off; he didn’t touch his genitals at all, nor did he ask me to. Our sessions were far from a conformist concept of what ‘sex’ is, yet I think we both found them deeply pleasurable and fulfilling

'I think so many people could do with freeing themselves from the highly limiting, "traditional" ideas of how and what sex should be. It’s also vital to realise that the whole body can be a delicious sensory playground – not just breasts, butts and ballbags!

5/ It’s worth investing money in decent condoms – especially if your partner has a particularly large or small penis 

'I insist on safer sex. I’d be a fool not to. But as well as insisting your partner should wear a condom (unless you’ve both been tested, had clear results, and are committed to monogamy), it’s essential to ensure they wear the right rubber.

'One of my clients, unbeknownst to me, was trying to use large-size Trojans when his petite pecker was most certainly a below-average length. He was being egotistical instead of being honest with himself – and it turned out that he was being dangerous to boot. The condom came off while he was inside me, and it was terrifying.

‘Now, I’m rigorous about checking that guys are wrapping themselves with the correct size of protection. A company called TheyFit.co.uk make 95 different Johnny sizes, combining 14 different lengths and 12 different girths; they’re brilliant if a bloke has dick dimensions that demand a custom-built condom. They feel better for him, too.'

Like this? Then you might also be interested in: 

'I Piss On People For A Living' Meet London's High Class Call Girls

The Truth About Wedding Night Sex

The Best Sex Clubs To Go To If You're Not Sure You Like Sex Clubs

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Tags: Sex