Everything You Need To Know About 3nder - The Threesome Dating App
The Debrief: 3nder. Kind of like Tinder, but for threesomes.
My phone has been blowing up with dick pics this week. Seriously. I have never seen so many pictures of erect penises in all my life. Or erect female nipples dripping in baby oil for that matter. My phone is so full of filth, I'd be lynched by a crusade of Christian mothers if I accidentally left it in a McDonalds in Mississippi. And why? No, I haven't been screenshotting highlights from a week-long porn binge. Not this week, ladies. This week, I've discovered the 3nder app. Well....rediscovered...
I first experienced 3nder (and by experienced I mean searched with a degree of calculation purely for journalistic purposes) two years ago when the app was in its infancy. Back then, I hadn't heard many 3nder stories and I still have no idea how to pronounce it - either it rhymes with Tinder or Grindr. The concept is similar to both but for threesomes. Obvs. With the app, you are able to join as a single or a couple in order to complete your crowd. FFM MMF FFF MMM, you name the combo, you can find it - though some easier than others.
Back in 2014, when founder Dimo Trifinov confessed being 'disappointed with their members,' the app was clunky, the pool limited; it felt like being an awkward early arrival at a ball game, waiting for the kick off. Demand was clearly higher than supply in that every single man in London seemed to be on there looking for a hot lesbian duo to re-enact the champagne-licking-off-the-chest scene from Wild Things.
After Thrinder's September 2015, facelift, however, the party appears to be in full swing....if the activity on my phone is anything to go by. The constant stream of notifications makes me feel like a bloody Kardashian. Sort of.
3nder review: what is 3nder and how does it work?
The nuts and bolts of 3nder, is that is an app which helps you organise a threesome. It is pretty much just like Tinder - Set up a profile then get swiping. You can only chat with matches so you have to put in the initial ground work. But as a single woman: very little and you'll find yourself hounded in no time. Profile info includes pic, sexual orientation, 'name,' and a little blurb on exactly what you are looking for.
Real Example: Playful professional couple looking for a beautiful outgoing kitten to share a few nights of unbridled passion. We'll sort the hotel, toys, lace champagne, you just bring your gorgeous bubbly sexy self.
After some initial chat, there is a trend to move off 3ndr and communicate via Whatsapp/Kik/Skype sesh to set a date and time/send sexy selfies, even though 3ndr itself allows you to do this within the app. Understandably, the level of security in an app so young is a drawback for members considering using this function.
If you find willing parties and want to share/extend the lurrrv, you can instigate group chats to facilitate larger gatherings. Which is an added bonus if you've been gunning for a full on sex party and never made it through the Killing Kittens vetting system. Speaking of which, a handful of the couples I spoke to mentioned acquiring their 'taste' for multiple partners through Killing Kittens. This might be true, or it might be a ruse: throwing in a 'reputable' semi-mainstream sex party in order to lure you back to their basement dungeon where they actually kill kittens. You just never know.
You can also 'anonymously invite your friends...' When I first read that I immediately thought....Shit the bed dude! It would be pretty weird if I secretly wanted to have an orgy with my actual real life friends and added them to 3ndr and waited for them to find me. 'Surprise!!! I'm your pervy best friend who has always wanted to shag you! Swipe right please!' Of course this is just a way of 3ndr accessing and using your FB friends to extend their members network. And I'm a bit slow....
Hidden Identities on 3nder:
Identities are far more obscured than other sex/pretending-to-be-dating-but-actually-just-for-sex apps. Logging in via Facebook, guarantees you won't bump into your FB friends but that won't ensure steering clear of, say, your boss and his/her partner. Even with a profile picture of just my eyes and nose poking out over a blanket a guy who I dated TEN YEARS AGO managed to recognise me and Facebook message me asking about my new 'hobby'... Which is WHY there are a fair few who just have bod pics on their profile until you switch to what's app. Bloody geniuses with forethought and logic....
Aliases are actively encouraged on 3nder
Favourite so far (1) 'Oral and Anal' (hilarious) (2) 'Gin and Tonic" (mainly because I love a gin and tonic) and (3) 'Hugo and First' (brilliant gag and very inviting).
Least favourite: (1) Mr Grey and Anastasia (cliche) (2) Voltaire and Cleopatra (pretentious) (3) Valmont and Mertueil (equally pretentious).
Having been on this app for a week, as a single girl 'looking for' couples, there were a few things that struck me.
1. 3nder types: Straight to the point
Everyone knows what they are there for. As there is no emotional relationship to be gained, there is no game playing or 'beating around the bush' (had to be done. Apologies). This can at once be quite refreshing and quite alarming, especially when being bombarded with cock shots over a loo seat immediately after hello. I mean.... A loo seat? ( It literally looked like he was about to have a wee whilst texting and then snapped a cheeky photo. Not attractive. ) On the upside, you get to the point of 'when are we going to meet up' far sooner than say, Tinder, where you can be bumbling around for weeks skirting around the idea and then giving up.
2. 3nder types: Relentlessness
There needs to be a new word for relentless on 3ndr. I am on Tinder, Bumble, Happn and on none of these apps are people so embarrassingly persistent. Even if there is no reply for days. People do NOT give up, especially if you've switched to other apps. Apparently if there are two of you there is an extended shame barrier. At this point I am seriously regretting switching to whatsapp as AK is going to be sending me dick pics until I switch providers. He might even lead me to terminate my contract early!
If you're just going on this app for a looksee with no interest of taking things any further DO NOT SWITCH TO WHATSAPP... trust me.
(Insert extremely long convo without reply)
3. 3nder types: One party is usually more into it
It becomes almost immediately clear who within the couple came up with the threesome idea. Simply, it is the one who takes control of the chat. In my week of experience it has been pretty 50/50. Some women speak like repressed lesbians and give you all options including their other halves watching from a different room (??) not sure how that one is possible.. Some men chat about their girlfriends in a way that only seems pushy: 'It's her first time and I'm sure she will like it'... for example. Which makes me sad as I imagine this poor woman sitting on the bed, half-smiling, pretending she's kinky when all she wants is a cuddle and an engagement ring.
Important 3inder tips: Safety issues
As I got further and further into chats, specific dates were agreed and I began to think about the logistics of actually going through with it. I would be lying to say I wasn't at all tempted: some of the propositioning parties did a tremendous job of making me feel extremely at ease. The promise of a safe space, plush hotel room, champagne, spa day to follow. Sounded like a 5* city break with some great NSA sex in the middle - what wasn't to like?
In the realms of fantasy absolutely nothing.
But then I considered everything that could go wrong. For example, any nice couple could be attached to a sex-trafficking syndicate. (I watched Taken/Taken 2 recently and I perceive the world entirely differently now. Good old Liam Neeson...) Your drink could be spiked at a bar and you could wake up without a kidney and a video of your vagina hurtling around cyberspace. Even if you gave your mate the name, the address, the time etc and made a detailed back up plan you are still taking a huge risk. Two people have you at their disposal, for the time you are within their house/hotel room and all number of things could take place in that time.
3nder vs Tinder
Oddly enough, these sorts of thoughts don't come to mind if I go on a Tinder date, though having thought about 3ndr in more detail, they really should. The 'Don't Talk to Strangers' rule is totally forgotten in the era of online dating as is the important reasoning behind it.
Sure, there's the option of chumming up with a mate to slightly lower your vulnerability status but the dangers are still all very real and it's important to be very wary of them before embarking on something of this nature. With total strangers. However exciting/adventurous it may seem and however drunk/high you are.
Ego Boost vs. Seedy Aftertaste
Having said all that, when I first joined as a 'Majestic Member' (3ndr VIP ya'll!) I was given a massive ego boost! It was a matchtastic fantastical playground and I was able to crack out my most coquettish/forward phrases. Like:... 'Oh hey sexy people! Yeah I might want to have sex with you AND I MIGHT NOT ;) ;) 'you can GUESS....not my finest hour of words admittedly but my sex chat is a little rusty since... well since forever.
By the end of the week however, I was throughly grossed out by the seediness of it all. So much so I told one couple I had Gonorrhoeoa just to make them go away. NB. They didn't.... they stopped talking to me for a day and then sent another message and tit pic asking if I was kidding - see the relentless section.
I'm very much looking forward to getting the whole thing off my phone and embracing the fact that a threesome will happen organically if it's supposed to happen, and I don't have to risk death by Whatsapp to make it so.
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