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10 Things Cameron Diaz Films Have Taught Us About Sex
The Debrief: Thanks for the sex ed, Hollywood!
Take yourself back to your school days where sex education, if you were lucky enough to even have it, was based around putting a condom on a banana. Now as practical and important as this lesson was, it’s pop culture that really taught us most of what we know and 00s rom-com queen Cameron Diaz was the archetype of a sex goddess through our teenage eyes, right? So, yeah, it may have only been earlier this year that she released a comedy that was explicitly about sex (enter, Sex Tape) but pssh, she’s been inadvertently teaching us stuff for decades. Here’s what we’ve learnt so far…
Sex Tape (2014)
Don’t leave your sex tape unattended (or uploaded onto an iCloud). Let this film be a cautionary tale to all celebrities and citizens alike about our lack of understanding of the Apple iCloud. What does it automatically store? What does it share? What does it actually delete? In the words of Jason Segel, 'Nobody understands the cloud, it’s a fucking mystery.'
It’s all about trying new things
The saying goes ‘variety is the spice of life’ and when CD and JS decide they need to re-ignite that I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off-everytime-I-see-you urge, they decide to try out every position in the illustrated book The Joy of Sex. If you’re not an avid sex manual reader, you could just play the car sex card instead.
Bad Teacher (2011)
You’re never too old for some good old-fashioned dry humping But, um, this was all part of a ploy to steal Justin Timberlake’s goody-too-shoes character away from his fiancé in the film but still, it’s a classic move.
The Holiday (2006)
And if they don’t get the message that you are very much up for it right now, maybe try being direct like CD here: 'You know Graham, I just broke up with someone and considering you just showed up and you’re insanely good-looking and probably won’t remember anyway… I’m thinking we should have sex… If you want.'
The Sweetest Thing (2002)
We basically got all our lines from the penis song that CD, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair break into in The Sweetest Thing. 'What do you always tell a boy?' 'Oh my god, your penis is so big/thick/pretty/handsome/hard/large.' Or if the mood allows it, you could go with this reference: 'my body is a movie and your penis is the star.'
And, it also taught us that an orgasm and ice-cream is the stuff of dreams OR this is how an extremely glossy Hollywood orgasm looks
Gangs of New York (2002)
If you must wear a corset on a date, know how to take it off yourself because like Leonardo DiCaprio here, boys won’t have a clue.
Vanilla Sky (2001)
This is probably not the way to tell someone you love them: 'I fucking love you. I fucking love you! Fuck! You fucked me four times the other night; you’ve been inside me. I swallowed your cum, that means something.'
Charlie’s Angels (2000)
Dancing in your pants is always a good idea.
Bedroom dancing, even if it’s meant to look completely outrageous and silly, when done in your knickers, is alluring. It obviously helps if you happen to be Cameron Diaz.
There’s Something about Mary (1998)
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