9 Things You Only Discover When You're In A Long Distance Relationship
The Debrief: If you really want to know the actual worst bits of being long distance, here they are...
Finding love in a world of distractions and deal breakers and the pressure to do everything and be everywhere at the same time is hardly easy. But what if you find the partner of your dreams, someone who figuratively lives in your heart as much as you live in theirs but, for whatever reason, geographically, lives more than two hour’s commute from you? Well, now you’re in a long distance relationship. You can ask mates in LDRs how their love survives across miles and trains and planes and they’ll respond through rictus grins that, yeah, it’s absolutely FINE! And that they make it work and all that, but if you really want to know the actual worst bits of being long distance, here they are. Happy (almost) Valentine’s Day!
1. Being on your phone all the time
Years ago, long distance relationships would be conducted via letters or specifically planned evenings spent by a landline (ask your mum). But now, the technological revolution allows us to share our deep-seated emotions via a few taps on a keyboard or by simply tagging our dear loves into cute Instagram pictures. The problem is, you’ll end up on your phone all the time and so when you’re apart, you won’t live your best life. Go out, see mates, do whatever; it’ll make you far more interesting to your partner if you’ve actually got something newer than ‘I just love you so much!’ to report back.
2. You can’t nurse them better
You might have verbal conversation and added bonuses of emoji, pusheens and GIFs to sling over to each other in lieu of comforting hugs when times are tough. But nothing’s trickier when your beloved is a day’s trip away with the sniffles and a fever. Though being close to them could beset you with the lurg, all you want to do is bring them Lockets (of sugary sweet cough syrup) and chocolate Hobnobs and stroke their sweaty brow and cajole them into showering.
3. Bad internet connection
Whether it’s concrete walls blocking Wifi signal, housemates slurping up all the speed by streaming episodes of TV programmes that aren’t even that good or plain old simple rural connectivity issues, crap internet can be a real trip in the flow of any sort of cooing or affection you want to show your significant and distant other. Be patient, and if worst comes to worse, make a good old phone call.
4. Forgetting how to have sex
After a couple of weeks apart, you’ll have to learn and re-learn your each others’ bodies. While it can seem unsettling, if you just take your time to get to know each other before stripping off with the lights on, you can enjoy what is essentially the best sex aid to ensure neither party bores too soon in the relationship.
5. Getting gross in the mean time
The old wives’ tale is that people in relationships are destined to put on at least half a stone, stop washing their hair and begin a routine of smearing butter onto their faces to cultivate just the right sorts of spots to be picked by their over-familiar lover-cum-beautician. With long-distance relationships this can get worse; with no-one to look good for during the time you spend apart from the person you fancy most in the world, it’s easy to let it all hang out…the solution is that we should all stop being so gross.
6. When one person’s going out loads and loads
If you don’t trust each other, there’s no point in being in a short-distance relationship, let alone a long-distance one. But another issue is if one person is out all of the time hundreds of miles away while the other is always staying in. The best way to stifle the inevitable jealousy is to either go out and have as much fun as they’re having, or, if you’re more of a homebody, do it properly; set aside an evening for admin, get your email inbox down to 0, watch an entire film without looking at your phone; these are just as exciting to report back with as any lols night out.
7. Friends thinking you’re away ALL the time
As important as it may be to meticulously plan your own seeing one another (shared Google Calendars can help as much as network railcards), sometimes it’s harder to relay this to friends. You can find yourself gradually uninvited to nights out by people who somehow forget that the reason you couldn’t come last time doesn’t preclude you from ever going out again. Chances are you’re also out of the loop of asking anyone - not just love interests - out. So just flirt a little; give a nice compliment, talk about a shared interest, suggest something nice to do and then reel out the dates. It might not feel as normal as strategically planned weekends with your bae but it sure is easier.
8. Relationships slow down
If you only see each other for two or three days every fortnight, your relationship might not go as intensely fast as others’. This benefits intense types as it delays you suffocating one another with adoration, and it’s also great if you’re not intense because, well, you probably don’t miss each other too much.
9. Sex can get designated
We’ve all got to have better conversations about consent, regardless of what our dating situation is and especially if our love life only comprises of sending meticulously-angled dick pics to strangers on the internet. But if you’re in a long-distance relationship, there is undoubtedly a pressure to have sex every time you’re lucky enough to see each other. The best way around feeling like you HAVE to do it within a certain window is to leave some time in your time together to be spontaneous. The moment you set aside a couple of hours to have sex is the moment your life is being way overplanned.
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