Psychologist and author of Dating From The Inside Out, Pauette Kauffman Sherman, has spoken to Glamour magazine about the one rule we probably all want to know the answer to – how soon is too soon, and when should we move on after a break up.
According to Pauette, if you dated for less than a year you should wait a month before moving on, and if you dated someone for longer than a year you might need three to four months. 'Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairy serious relationship,' she says. 'If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months. On the other hand, you might need less time if your relationship was very short. '
I’m sorry but can we just stop there. Firstly, if a relationship was ‘short,’ that doesn’t automatically mean it was less meaningful and therefore merits less time to get over it. What if two people had a very intense 6-month relationship that ended, the people in question would more than likely need more than four short weeks to shack up with someone else, right? Who knows, maybe they need a whole year and that is A-OK. Equally, you could be in a long-term relationship that wasn’t fulfilling your needs and you needed out of, pronto. Then you decide to move on very quickly with someone else because they make you dead happy, which is also more than OK.
Paulette goes on to say that it’s important to make sure you’re not in post-breakup mode when you get with someone else, as that could be you trying to fill that hole with a new relationship. I get that, I really do – it’s important to have time for you and decide what it is you want, but aren’t relationships about doing what’s right for us? If it feels right and makes you cry less while watching The Notebook on a Saturday night, go for it.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.