Stevie Martin | Staff Writer | Monday, 2 February 2015

Witty Things To Say So People Think You Watched The Superbowl

The Debrief: Because you don't want to look like a dick in the pub tonight, right?

Superbowl Sunday aired yesterday, and it's weird that more people aren't reporting on it (hahahaha) - but amid the million commercials and rules that very few of us from little old UK understand, it can get a bit overwhelming. What if someone in the pub starts talking about it and you have no idea what to say because you have no interest in American sports and had work in the morning so didn't want to stay up til dawn to see who 'won'?* Here are a few zingers you can shoot out into the conversation to not look like a clueless dick - and no, they're not heavily sports related because the last thing you want is to get into a conversation with someone about American football when you don't know what it is. 

*Won shouldn't really be in inverted commas because it's genuinely a competition. But still. 

Do say: It was such a close match, and so different from last year. 

Why this is a good thing to say: Either people will ask why, and you can hit them with a crafty 'Well, the Seahawks were back again - but it was far from a landslide this time' (last year the Seahawks also played) (The Seahawks are a team. There are no sea birds involved in the Superbowl), or they'll have no idea what the hell you're talking about so will nod and say 'Hmm.'. As an aside, the Patriots won last night but it was really, really close - but not the closest Superbowl in history. That award still goes to 2013's game. Google it, dudes. 

Do say: Missy Elliot was awesome 

Why this is a good thing to say: She is. Also, she's having a bit of a revival at the mo because Get Ur Freak On is the soundtrack to Sport England's viral 'This Girl Can' campaign, so you can throw that in if you like. Basically, Katy Perry is the obvious person to talk about, but Missy ripped it, with the world's mediaaaah reporting that she 'stole the halftime show' from Katy after coming on to perform three songs. We actually though Katy was excellent, but if you want to know WTF you're talking about, and follow the general opinion, then go for Missy. 

Do say: I think sharks are having a moment 

Why this is a good thing to say: Just like pineapples were on everything, and there was that summer everyone was obsessed with watermelons - sharks are starting to creep into our consciousness. ASOS have done shark pyjamas. Stella McCartney has done a shark iPhone case. Last night Katy Perry danced with people in shark outfits. Guys, it's all about sharks right now. 

Do say: It's good that Kim Kardashian can laugh at herself

Why this is a good thing to say: The commercials, as ever, were as important as the game being played - and Kim Kardashian's ad for T Mobile was pretty cool. 'Please: help save the data,' she said in spoof-charity style. 'Data you paid for that could be used to see my make-up, my backhand, my outfits, my vacations, and my outfits.'. It's nice she can be self deprecating, considering she's the most famous woman on the planet right now. She is also so radiant it's almost as if she's been sculpted from angels, but that's for another article (an investigation entitled 'Is Kim Kardashian Sculpted From Angels').

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Follow Stevie on Twitter: @5tevieM


Tags: Sports