What Your Cringe Noughties Email Address Said About You
The Debrief: All a hotmail.co.uk, obvs.
Ermaghard you guys, blast from the past news…. Bebo is back! In case you spent the early noughties in an internet blackout, Bebo was sort of the lame version of Myspace. The older, cooler and more alternative teenagers were on Myspace and the younger, less music-minded kids were on Bebo. Just take a wild stab in the dark at which one we were on.
Anyways come January 31st, all the old pictures you uploaded to Bebo will again be available. Which is good news for us Myspace users, whose pictures have been available this whole damn time (you’re welcome).
Anyways, hacking our way back into our old social media profiles meant we had to remember our old email addresses (firstname.lastname@example.org). Luckily, we found out that we were far away from being the worst offenders. Here’s a few email addresses from back in the day and what they said about you as a teenager*.
*Disclaimer – they’re all at Hotmail.co.uk because 2004.
The r&b princess
With your sass-tastic low rider bootcut jeans (visible thong optional) and cropped bomber jacket with the fur-lined hood you loved nothing more than a Juicy Tube lip gloss, GHD straighteners, blonde stripey highlights and the works of Ashanti and J Lo.
The emo queen
Queen of Myspace and hater of figures of authority, you lived by your own rules as a teenager because fuck society and the conventional horse it rode in on. Things you ‘cared’ about (because like you were lame enough to ‘care’ about anything) were your fringe, Simple Plan and Punky Fish (in that order).
The sensible one
Excellent, well done, way to show the rest of us up. While we were all busy listening to questionable music and straightening our hair, you were busy doing your homework, undertaking non-compulsory work experience and preparing your university application. This may have something to do with the fact that you now earn £60k and just got on the property ladder so quite frankly, well done you, but also GRRRRRR.
Drama society pals were your besties, ditto for the guys you spent Saturday afternoon in the park with, practicing your juggling and Diablo skills. Yes you were nerdy but you were the sort of nerds that didn’t mind expressing your opinions loudly and challenging the ‘popular’ kids on their vacuous views.
The fan girl
An early predecessor to the Directioner, the only thing that stopped you from going full on Fatal Attraction bonkers was the fact that the internet hadn’t evolved far enough for you to get anywhere near your beloved. Unlike the @HARRYSTYLESIWILLKILLMYDOGFORAFOLLOW fan girls of today, the only way for you to express your desire was through your terrible, terrible email address. And your MSN Messenger screen name.
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating