The Worst Hen And Stag Party Stories The Internet Has To Offer
The Debrief: Includes that time the stag accidentally set his own ass on fire
Because it's wedding season (did anyone not have a wedding on their Instagram this weekend?) and because this man spent his weekend with his friends gluing their pubes on his face at his stag do (before taking him to visit an old people's home), we've trawled the internet to find the best, the worst, the most horrifying and the most OMFG hen do stories. Read on at your peril.
This girl who learned the hard way to leave pole dancing to the professionals
'I tore my ACL (the first time) on a stripper pole in a bar during a friend's bachelorette party. I was so drunk that I initially wasn't sure I was injured, so I climbed off the platform and rejoined the ladies on the dance floor. Midway through Motown Philly my anterior drawer slid out and my leg collapsed underneath me. I was helped into the limo and into the hotel.
The following day I used a chair to hobble across the hotel room, had the front desk deliver me a wheelchair, got to the parking lot, and drove left legged to a Walgreens where I hopped in on one foot and bought crutches. I then drove four hours home using only my left leg and saw the doctor Monday morning. Reconstructive surgery and nine months of rehab followed – 18 months after the first tear I fell on ice and ruptured the graft. I now walk with a cane and will be crippled in the right leg for life.'
This stripper who went HAM
'A stripper tried to do a cool move where he did a roundhouse over another girls head. Except he kicked her. She got a concussion and threw up in a trashbag the entire limo ride to the hospital.'
This stripper who also went above and beyond
'The stripper surreptitiously finger-banged a couple of the ladies.'
These 'friends' that probably should have stayed at home
'At a friend's stag party. Everyone is good and drunk. The groom worked for ministry of natural resources in northern Ontario fighting forest fires. A bunch of his colleagues decide to black ball him. Black balling for those who don't know involves using a substance to colour the skin, usually in the genital region, black. These guys use potassium permanganate, which is used to start controlled burns in a forest. It also stains the skin dark purple. After the color was applied liberally to his ass and groin the guys start spraying him with booze. Potassium permanganate ignites when mixed with alcohol. 2nd and 3rd degree burns to the groin and ass. It was a shitty wedding night.'
This bride that showed real commitment
'At a male strip show. They had a 'fake orgasm queen' competition and the bride to be got visciously dry humped on stage while moaning and shrieking into a microphone. She also groped the strippers and reached into their briefs while getting lap dances.'
This one that was probably always going to be a bad idea
'Well, I used to work in a strip club and one night a bachelor party came in, only for some reason the girlfriends were with them. I guess maybe so they could keep an eye on things or whatever. Anyway the night entailed entirely of the bachelor being brought up on stage while ALL of the dancers rubbed their tits in his face while his fiancée sat in the back and cried with her friends.'
These guys that misunderstood the timings of these stag party things
'Not really a bachelor party, but here goes. This one is about my parents. They got married in a church and were walking down some steps to the basement for the reception. Four of my dad's friends grabbed him, took him out to the parking lot, and put him in the truck of a car. Then they drove off.
'My mom laughed it off at first, thinking that they'd be back soon. She went down to the reception and started talking to guests. Time goes by and she starts to get nervous. The atmosphere of the party starts to get uncomfortable and some guests leave. My mom puts on a brave face and takes a couple of pictures. There was one of her cutting the cake alone and another where she is dancing with her brother-in-law, but I haven't seen them in years.
'The reception ends. My mom is heartbroken and goes to spend the night at her parents' house. My dad and his friends didn't come back until the next afternoon. My mom almost divorced him on the spot.
The silver lining is that they've been married for 42 years and are very much in love.'
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At work? With your gran?
You might want to think about the fact you're about to read something that wouldn't exactly get a PG rating