A Few Types Of Instagram Picture That Are Totally Not What Happened In Reality
The Debrief: Just out of shot? A screaming child and a big lump of picture ruining dog poo
Props to our new favourite person Zilla van den Born, a 25-year-old from Holland who fooled all her friends and family into thinking she was on a five-week dream trip around South East Asia. In reality, Zilla was actually sitting in her flat in Amsterdam, furiously Photoshopping, only venturing out into the real world in heavy disguise.
The point of the project (which we darn well hope she got an A for) was to show how social media doesn’t always reflect reality. Something that's totally worth remembering in our FOMO-obsessed heads. Last week I dragged myself out of the house to the pub with a monster cold just because I saw some girl I went to school with was having a wicked time at Bestival. I mean, really. Chances are, she wasn't having a wicked time at Bestival like ALL the time. Sure, she was while the picture was taken, and like some other times as well, but there were also the hangovers, the sweaty tent sex, the growing nausea as she realised she was about to eat her seventh burger of the weekend... None of that made it onto Instagram now, did it?
Here's a few pictures from your Instagram feed designed to give you FOMO that probably aren't telling you the full story.
The Look At Me And All My Friends Picture!
How it makes you feel: Like you’re the least popular person on the face of the planet and all your actual friends are really boring and not worth hanging out with ever again.
The reality: No one but no one’s got 12 super-duper close friends that they hang out with like, every day. Not even the members of Blazin’ Squad had that many friends and they had a pack of about 13 to knock about with. Chances are, this person just happened to be at a place with a lot of people. Some of them she knew, but some names she couldn't even remember if you threatened her. Which, of course, you won't.
The I’m At Fashion Week! Picture
How it makes you feel: Like your life is devoid of all glamour. Oh, and you need a whole new wardrobe.
The reality: Fashion chick probably went to one of the lesser shows, by herself, and spent half an hour hanging around awkwardly trying to look like she wasn't the loneliest little blogger at Fashion Week before getting stopped by a street-style photographer for this one picture. Also not shown: the recipt for all the new clothes she bought for this very occasion (noodles for the rest of the month it is then) and the self-loathing she felt when confronted with 30 six-foot tall 17-year-old Ukranians stomping down the runway.
The I’m With A Celebrity! Picture
How it makes you feel: Like everyone you know is crap. And you hang out in the wrong places.
The reality: Imagine the awkwardness leading up to that moment. This Instagram-happy lady probably spent a good 10 minutes awkwardly circling said celeb with all the grace of an elephant that’s broken into a Buckfast factory before delivering a terrible opening gambit that probably consisted of something like, ‘Ohmygodiloveallyourefilmsyou'resuchahugeinspirationtomeithinkiloveyoucanihaveapicture?’ The entire encounter probably lasted less than 20 seconds.
The #TakeMeBack #TBT Snap
How it makes you feel: That every holiday you've ever been on has been crap. And you should probably spend a lot more on your next one.
The reality: Well, for starters, this being a #TBT snap, they’re not there anymore. They’re probably sat at home, on their bum, wrapped in a dirty jumper. Just like you. Secondly, take me to any hot country with a beach and I'll find you one three-foot stretch of white sand that looks like the shores of Jamaica. Just out of shot? The Lads On Tour crew from Barnsley laughing hysterically as their mate 'Boner' simulatenously vomits and pisses himself after his sixteenth Jaegerbomb. At 11AM.
The OMG My Dog Is So Cute Picture
How it makes you feel: Why don't I have a dog? My life would be so much better if I had a dog.
The reality: Just out of shot? The stain on the carpet where Alfie the daschund continues to piss himself everyday despite being disciplined, the expensive dress he used as a chew toy and your mate's dark circles under her eyes that stem from this excitable pup doing an adorable solo on his adorable doggy vocal chords every morning at 4am. Cute.
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